


My Beautiful Girl

by sarahpotters



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Abuse, Drug Addiction, F/F, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian, Original Character(s), Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-08-28 13:18:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 42,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16724154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahpotters/pseuds/sarahpotters
Summary: I think when the media reporters and paps saw only Sarah and I walk out together holding hands, they knew the true nature of this conference immediately. From behind the table, Sarah and I are having countless questions being shouted at us, and we wait for everyone to quiet down, our hands still together sitting on the table. I attempt to seek out the questions directed at me and I hear more than I expected."Are you and Sarah in a relationship?!""Have you and Sarah Winter been in a relationship since 2008?!""How would you describe your relationship with Sarah?!"Sarah and I accept that the press isn't proceeding to quiet down and most likely won't be any time soon, and we share a smile. I adjust my microphone higher and it gives out a high pitched squeak that quietens the press, letting them know I'm about to speak. I search for one of the reporters that asked me a question specifically, and I meet her eyes with a smirk behind my mic."She's my beautiful girl."How did my life turn in to this? Simple : Sarah.





	1. The Dark Haired Girl

**Backstory -**

New Jersey, Chesterwick, 1993-2008

 

On July 7th, 1993, I; Olivia Angel Butterfield, am born within a household made up of two adolescent parents who have been disowned by _their_ parents.

My mother; Kariah, has strived to cope with her bipolar disorder since she was twelve, but she has always taken her medication regularly, which benefited her a lot. She discontinued taking her medication when I was nine, and the result of this frightened me constantly. During her mania, she will disappear for days getting into trouble, driving dangerously, etc. During her depressive episodes, she will just remain with a blank expression and not respond to anyone, sob for hours, or sometimes even attempt suicide. Randomly she will just  _switch_ from calm to suddenly outraged and violent; screaming, cursing, slapping or hitting my father and me.

After her explosive episodes, she'll usually cry to try to manipulate my father and me to comfort her.

My father; Tobin, is a sweet, soft-spoken, gentle, accepting, loving father and husband. He tries his best to console his wife and protect me.

My father is a kind-featured man with soft blue eyes, prematurely graying fluffy brown hair with a declining hairline and scruffy facial hair, standing at 5'6 feet tall. My mother is underweight due to living off of coffee, has weary, glossy brown eyes with dark bags underneath, wavy, tangled, light chestnut brown hair and is 5'8. When she takes her medication, she's calm, sweet, funny; a great mother. Though she's still ignorant to things that stray away from more traditional ways of life, she just wasn't raised that way.

When I'm eleven years old, my parents divorce. I don't know how it happened, I haven't the faintest idea what the fight was about, but my mother forced my father out of the house that night and out of our lives. I take my mother's surname; Clarke and continue to grow up without my father. After my mother refuses to let my father see me, her episodes become more frequent and harmful. She now aims her episodes at me, afterward, she'll cry as a way to gain my sympathy, but that ultimately quit working on me. Once I turn thirteen, I quit responding to my mother's false tears.

This pisses my mother off that I outsmarted her, and she'll usually scream that I don't care about her, then hit me and storm off to her bedroom.

When I'm thirteen, I develop a passion for playing piano, singing and writing music. My only friend at school; my best friend since preschool is Gordon Jenkins. I'm well liked at school, I guess, but I'm too shy to make other friends. I don't need anymore, anyway. I have Gordon.

Gordon and I start dating when we're fourteen. He supports my musical ambitions.

 

I have large, bright blue eyes, soft, light chestnut brown hair that stops just past my shoulders with a thin layer of bangs. I'm 5'2 with what my boyfriend calls a button nose and strawberry pink lips due to my lip gloss. 

 

 

One Shot; a traveling singing competition show, comes to New Jersey, and I, age fifteen, am just old enough to audition and do just that without my mother's consent.

 

 

 

**Present Day**

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

It's August 16th, 2008, and I and the rest of the contestants stand beneath the direct heat of the sun waiting to be granted entrance to One Shot. We sign a paper and are handed cardboard bracelets with our name and contestant number, then we're guided indoors. We sit or stand in a large room nervously as one by one we are escorted to the audition room with the live audience. It's nerve-wracking. Contestant fourteen is auditioning when my anxiety grows too much and I feel nauseous.

I'm contestant twenty-six, so, fortunately, I have give or take a half an hour. Gordon rubs my back and vows to be here when I get back. I cover my mouth for good measure as I march hurriedly down the hall in hunt of a bathroom. I zigzag through the crowded hall, dodging people with every move, but incidentally, shoulder check someone. I instantly turn around to face the person and apologize, and find myself met with a pale girl with midnight curls pulled into a low rumpled red scrunchie.

The dark haired girl smiles at me, dimples on display and her intriguing eyes gleaming. Her eyes are a beautiful mixture of vibrant green and brown with the most peculiar ring of honey around her pupil. I flicker away my own staring and feel my cheeks heat up and I feel nauseous again. I only had time to remove my hand and manage a hasty, ‘Sorry!’ before having to clamp my hand over my mouth again and escape into the nearest bathroom.

I was ridding myself of my sickness in a somewhat open stall when I hear the main door squeak open.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I don't acknowledge her concern. I'm too sick to and I don't understand why a stranger is so concerned about me. I had only vaguely determined the voice to belong to the dark haired girl when another wave of nausea hits and I'm throwing up again. My stall door is gently pushed open and the next thing I know, my hair is being held away from my face.

What is this girl doing?! We don't even know each other!

I wipe my mouth, flush and rise swiftly. The girl stands after me. The curly headed girl is a solid five inches taller, putting her about 5’7 feet tall. I stare up at the girl, but instead of addressing her, I discover myself admiring the most remarkable, breathtaking pair of eyes I'd ever seen. I am utterly taken by this girl with the friendly dimpled smile.

I push myself to avert my eyes to the tiles and I shift uneasily.

“I’m okay, thank you.”

“Nerves, huh?”

The dark haired girl’s smile forms into a kind smirk and I force a self-deprecating smirk as well.

“A lot.”

I glide past the dark-haired girl and rinse my mouth out in one of the sinks. In my peripheral vision, I observe the dark-haired girl seeming like she's going to leave, but instead, she steps over to the sinks and begins sifting through her black bag. I wipe my mouth and chin off on my sleeve and when I straighten up, I am faced with the dark-haired girl’s outstretched hand-in it-a green mint. I hesitate, I can't fathom why this beautiful girl is being unusually kind to me. She doesn’t even know me.

After debating a bit, I take the mint and turn my eyes to the floor again.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

The dark-haired girl flashes a bright dimpled smile and delays a second before exiting the bathroom.

What a weird, beautiful girl.

I try to reflect what happened as I turn to the mirror. My light chestnut brown hair tousled, my thin bangs are disheveled as well, and I run my fingers through it. There's a hint of dark purple bags under my large blue eyes from lack of sleep, and I conceal them and the little acne I have today with a scarce amount of natural looking foundation. Along with my foundation, the only few makeup items I wear are my strawberry lip gloss and perfume, rarely nail polish.

 

I wander out of the bathroom several minutes after, red-faced and flustered, sucking on a mint. I remember that the dark-haired girl’s bracelet had a twenty-four on it; she will audition before me. I return to the waiting room, but there's no sign of the dark-haired girl. I don’t know why I'm disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> I think that Wake Me Up by Ed Sheeran and I Love You by Alex and Sierra sum up this story very well.


	2. Confused Butterflies

I'm leaning tensely against the wall in the main waiting room, just waiting for my audition.

All heads turn in the direction of the door at the sound of heels boldly clicking closer and into the room. The young blonde, just turned twenty-one, strides in with a pink t-shirt, the short sleeves intentionally shredded in a fashionable style. Her black skinny jeans hug to her as if they're wet and they share the same splits down the thighs and back pockets. She wears low black heels and her blonde hair is curled and pinned halfway up, only a few curls loose on either side. Her lengthy lashes are mopped in mascara, her blush is put on too thickly and her lipstick isn't only on her lips.

She resembles a child that just got finished playing in their mother's makeup, but somehow she makes it work. Everyone ogles the blonde as she sways past them and straight to an empty chair and sits with her legs crossed.

I'm staring, but I don't know why; I have a boyfriend... and I'm not gay.

 

 

I spot the dark-haired girl again ten minutes later while number twenty-three is auditioning. The dark-haired girl comes into the room accompanied by four other people. An older woman, maybe her mother, with beige skin, loose black curls falling down her back, comforting brown eyes and laugh lines, has her arm around the dark-haired girl. With his arm around the older woman's waist, is an older dark-skinned man with brown hair, gray eyes, with his other arm thrown over a lanky boy's slender shoulders. The boy, around eighteen or nineteen, looks almost identical to the dark-haired girl; pale skin, floppy, messy black curls that brush his eyelashes, dimples, and the same strangely colored eyes.

An odd mixture of brown, green and honey, only the boy's are more topaz. Some sort of hazel.

Walking behind them is a man with oily brown hair with bangs and the very same topaz hazel eyes. He attains an average build at around 5'10 and a five o'clock shadow.

The family stands collectively near the audition room and waits. I wait awkwardly, feeling alone despite Gordon’s arm around me. I look from the family and wipe my sweaty hands on my thighs.

I only look up again when Contestant number twenty-three appears out of the audition room crying with her family hugging on her. Bad news for her. My eyes skip over her and find the dark-haired girl. The dark haired girl takes a deep breath, then she and her family are guided into the audition room.

Nearly a minute passes and I seek to ignore the growing crowd outside of the audition room.

“Oooh, she’s good!”

I look up at the poorly concealed whisper and find a group of three troubled, anxious contestants peering through the cracked audition door at the dark-haired girl’s audition.

I can’t resist and give in to my curiosity. I find myself gravitating away from Gordon and closer to the nosey group. After I peer through the door, I'm disappointed, but only for a second. The dark haired girl isn’t in sight, but her powerful, breathtaking voice fills my senses immediately. I overhear until the audition is over and I numbly, in shock, wander away.

This girl is going places, no question.

I silently watch as the dark-haired girl and her family come out of the audition room, cheering and hugging her. She got three yeses, of course. They start to calm down once the next contestant enters and they start to walk down the hallway. I stare at the dark haired girl that just sang so beautifully and I have the most strange thought, 'I can’t let her get away'. I swallow my fear and excuse myself from Gordon, running to catch up to the girl.

“Hey, wait! Can-Can I get a picture?”

The girl is confused when she turns around, but the curly haired boy behind her laughs and nudges her shoulder.

“Your first fan, catch up with us later.”

Her family walks off without her and I slip my phone out of my pocket. Her blended emerald green and honey brown eyes meet mine and we share uncomfortable smiles. One distinctive feature about her eyes catches my attention and makes me pause. There is an honey, almost golden, ring around her pupil. It struggles to blend with the other colors but doesn't quite manage.

They are the most beautiful, intriguing eyes I’ve ever seen. I blink myself back into consciousness. The beautiful girl stares at me with a slight expecting smile.

“Can I get a picture with you?”

“A picture, _really_?”

Her dark brows go up in shock, and after my eager nod, she tries to adjust casually with a shrug.

“Sure.”

I stand beside her and she lays her arm around my shoulders. We smile as the camera flashes and I move away, thanking her.

“Before you go… Why’d you want a picture with me?”

“Because I know you’re going to make it, you’re really talented.”

Her pale cheeks pinken and she ducks her head before meeting my eyes again.

“Thank you, I’m sure you are too. I’ll watch your audition.”

“Oh n-no, really, the fewer people watching the better.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re wonderful. My name’s Sarah Winter.”

She says, collectively closing down any differing opinions. I'm momentarily unsettled by her forward hand outstretched towards me. Feeling stunned and flattered at the same time, I shake her awaiting hand.

“Olivia Clarke.”

 

My audition isn’t as severe as I imagined it was going to be. I have the best support I ever could’ve asked for backstage; Sarah Winter and Gordon Jenkins, as I get two out three yeses. I skip down the steps with a grin and abruptly find myself in a smothering hug, but not with Gordon. Black curls are next to my chin, but before I can even think to hug back, she’s pulled away with a laugh.

“Congratulations, see you here tomorrow!”

As I walk away, I try to slow my speeding heart and rid myself of the confused butterflies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.


	3. Charlie Rutherford

The next day at One Shot, I find myself eating with an older red-headed boy. His name is Charlie Rutherford and he seems nice enough, a bit shy though. I haven't seen Sarah all day, and despite my best efforts, I'm dying to see her. It's dinner time and Charlie and I are sitting alone at a table, while most tables are filled with four or more people. I suppose that's the price of being shy.

I glance up from my plate and catch a pair of bright green and brown eyes from across the dining room. _Sarah_. She smiles and makes her way over to us, carrying her plate. I shift excitedly in my seat and Charlie looks at me confused. He follows my gaze as Sarah walks up to our table.

"Hi Olivia, mind if I sit with you?"

"S-Sure, go ahead."

Sarah sits in front of me, beside Charlie and grins at both of us. She stretches her hand out to Charlie.

"Hi, I'm Sarah Winter."

"Charlie Rutherford."

They shake hands and the table goes awkwardly silent. Sarah's going to learn what it's like trying to get know shy people. A whole lot of silence.

 _Boy_   was I wrong.

When Sarah began talking, she didn't quit. Sarah had an endless amount of questions and stories that kept coming until dinner was over. As we walk up to the front of the dining room to put away our empty plates, I notice Charlie's wide smile and I know he loves her as much as I do. Bright and charismatic, that's how I would describe Sarah.

We end up eating meals together every day and form a three-way friendship. Before I realise what's happening, I let my guard down around her and notice that Charlie has done the same. I even go as far as to joke around in front of her and to my surprise, she actually finds me funny. She loves my humor and I love her infectious laugh. I want to hear it more. 

Sarah’s eye color is so difficult, almost impossible to pinpoint. The closest I could get was just a mix of a few colors. Her eyes are a mossy blend of greenish hazel and brownish hazel, sometimes looking a bit honey colored. Always beautiful, always changing. Of course, I know eye color can’t change, but it’s like her eyes mix a different way every night and she wakes with a slightly greener or slightly browner shade. I find it frustrating. One thing that never changes, though, is that honey-colored ring around her pupil. Yes, her eyes are definitely my favorite thing about her.

 

By the end of the week, One Shot has determined who will stay in the competition and who will go home. They gather us all into one room and start calling out the names of the contestants who made it through. After a prolonged, nerve-wracking two minutes, the crowd is down to about thirty-five or thirty people, and Charlie has already gone through. Sarah stands next to me, looking depressed, like she knows she's not going to make it through. Without thinking, my hand finds hers and squeezes it, not letting go. She smiles at me and suddenly her name is called. The floor disappears beneath me as she lifts me up into a bear hug, then puts me down again.

"Congratulations!"

I shout, but her smile dims a little and she brushes her curls from her face.

"You're going to get through, I'll wait with you."

"I'd rather you didn't."

Sarah takes this the wrong way and looks offended.

"Why?"

"Because if I don't get through, things are going to be really awkward."

"Olivia!"

She roars at me and I'm taken aback.

"What?!"

"They just called your name!"

"What,  _really_ _?!_ "

It's my turn to hug her now and we keep our arms around each other as we walk out of the room. Charlie's expecting us and we're instantaneously enclosed into his hug.

After the people who didn't get through go home, the remainder of the contestants, including Charlie, Sarah and I are shown to our rooms. Charlie gets put into a room with two other guys, and I get put into a room with Sarah and a ginger-haired girl who introduced herself as Maria.

 

The first competition takes place next week and right now we are given two days to go home and pack our things. This is going to be hell. My mother knows nothing of the competition and I doubt she's going to have a calm, reasonable reaction to me packing my things. I'm going to have to tell her.

I creep into the house and find nothing, but empty rooms and silence. She must be experiencing a depressive episode; lying in her bed, or mania; out somewhere getting into trouble. Either way, this is not a good sign. I hike up to my room and start packing my things, just clothes and toiletries. Then my worst expectation comes to life as my mother seemingly hears me and opens her bedroom door from just down the hall.

"Where have you been?!"

She shouts at me as she walks down the hall. I don't answer, I decide to just wait until she sees my suitcases to start explaining myself. My mother walks into the doorway, leans against it and her eyes go wild when she witnesses me stuffing a folded shirt into a suitcase.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?!"

"Mom, I'm not running away, don't worry. I'm-"

"Then what the hell are you doing?!"

She marches into my room and yanks the suitcase away from me.

"There's a singing competition. Don't worry, it doesn't cost money and I won't be missing school-"

"A  _singing competition?!_ "

She snorts and rolls her eyes.

"You're crazy if you think-"

"Mom, I got through."

Her expression gets more serious as she tries to comprehend what I said.

"What?"

"I got through. Around fifty people auditioned and only twenty people got through and I was one of them."

" _Really?"_

"Yes."

She actually appears to be contemplating it and I'm overwhelmed with hope. She chews on her thumbnail for half a second, then scowls at me. My hope deflates.

"I don't want you going there without me anymore."

My hope comes flooding back and I actually smile at my mother for the first time in what must be  _years_ _._

"Okay, I won't."

"When do you have to be back?"

"Two days."

"I'll be ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.


	4. The Arrows

When I walk into One Shot with my mother in tow, I have the largest knot in my stomach. This is a bad, bad idea. What if she does something absurd, what if she lashes out at me in front of someone, in front of Sarah? What will Sarah think of me?

My worries turn out to be obsolete when my mother starts to wander away from me.

"I'm going to go check this place out, you'll be alright?"

"Yea, go ahead."

I let out a breath I've been holding as I watch my mother turn the corner and leave my sight. She's no longer my responsibility. My performance isn't until four pm, so I spend the few hours rehearsing alone.

 

 

A few days later, after everyone's performances, we're, _again_ , brought into a room and they begin calling out names of people who've made it through to the next stage. Sarah and Charlie find me in the crowd and I stand between them. We stand together holding hands as the crowd grows slimmer and slimmer until it's just us three and five or six other people. The speaker puts down her paper and looks out at us all.

"I'm sorry, guys, but that's all."

My shoulders slump and I let go of Charlie and Sarah's hands, covering my face. I hear Sarah comforting Charlie and feel her hand squeeze my shoulder, but I ignore her and start making my way to the door.

"But we would like three of you to stay. Charlie Rutherford... Sarah Winter... and... Olivia Clarke. That's it, thank you."

I freeze in my tracks out of confusion. The crowd starts exiting the room and I slowly move out of their way, still trying to fathom what was said. When the realisation that we're not going home finally hits, pure bliss, ecstasy, and relief spill over us, and I start speed walking over to Sarah and Charlie with a great, comical grin on my face.

"I can't believe we made it!"

Sarah hugs me, lifting me off my feet again. I feel her breath in my hair.

"Just have a little faith in yourself next time, Olivia."

When she sets me down, Charlie bear hugs us both.

"We're not sending you three home today, because we know you're too talented not to be in this competition. We need you, but we think you guys would be better together... As a band. What do you guys think?"

We all glance at each other and nod frantically. We're already friends, this is truly better!

"Yes!"

The speaker smiles.

"Well, now that you're a group, your new mentor is..."

A man with neat brown hair, brown eyes, an average build and a height around 5'10, walks up to the stage. The speaker's smile widens and she gestures to him.

"Neville Chapman!"

She hands him the mic and leaves the stage.

"So on this day in 2008, you three; Charlie Rutherford, age twenty-one, Sarah Winter, age nineteen, and Olivia Clarke, age fifteen, are now a band."

He smiles at us each individually and his voice softens.

"You need to think of a name."

 

Charlie thinks of the name 'The Arrows' and we spend the next few days getting to know each other and meeting each other's families.

Charlie’s family is very polite and respectful. Molly Rutherford, his mother; a very small, frail woman with thick, shoulder-length ginger hair and frail blue eyes, shakes my hand. Behind her stands protectively her husband, Charlie's father Garrett Rutherford; a tall, broad-shouldered man with brown hair, brown eyes and a declining hairline and gruff facial hair. Next to shake my hand is Charlie's older brother, age twenty-three, Heath Rutherford; another tall; 6'0, broad-shouldered man with neat, dark brown hair, serious dark blue eyes, and tannish skin. Lastly is Heath's girlfriend Julia Moon; a bubbly girl with silky, wavy brown hair, gray eyes, a strong charismatic smile and an athletic build at 5'5.

I learn that Charlie's middle name is Linn, Heath told me that and to tease him about it. I also learn that Garrett and Molly have always been happily married and still are. Molly is very sweet, motherly, supportive and nurturing. Garrett is authoritative, strong, stern and protective. Heath is very responsible, respectful and serious, though he does love to tease his little brother. Julia is very energetic, talkative and bubbly.

Charlie has dark, messy ginger hair and light brown eyes. He is 5’8, kind've slender, no facial hair, few freckles and pale. Charlie doesn’t have much confidence, he speaks quietly and mumbles. He’s sweet and gentle and dresses messily. He dresses mostly in t-shirts, hoodies, baggy blue jeans, thick reddish rimmed glasses, sweatshirts, a thick brown coat, and tennis shoes.

Charlie kind've just goes with the flow, though he’s always one time, mature and shy. He loves learning, reading and pushes everyone else to be punctual and responsible. He can be playful sometimes and has a cute giggle or chuckle. I make him laugh, and he relates to Sarah when it comes to career goals. Charlie and Sarah are both willing to do whatever it takes to make it as an artist.

 

Sarah’s family is very supportive and caring. Roselet Michaelson, her mother; a beautiful, warm beige-skinned French woman with long, loose black curls, large dark brown eyes, a thin build and is around the same height as Sarah, shakes my hand with both of hers and kisses my cheek. Next, her husband, Sarah's stepfather Klaus Michaelson; a dark-skinned man around 6'0 with short graying brown hair, warm steel gray eyes, broad-shouldered and has crinkles by his eyes. Then Sarah's twin brother JJ Winter; a slender, lanky boy around 5'8 with floppy black curls that sometimes get in his eyes, greenish hazel eyes and pale skin. The last handshake I receive is from Sarah and JJ's dad Jason Winter; a man with an average build, oily brown hair with bangs that blend with his eyelashes as well, topaz hazel eyes, a five o'clock shadow and is about 5'10.

I learn that Sarah's middle name is her mother's first name; Roselet, a French name. I also learn that Sarah has a very strong relationship with her parents, stepdad and brother.

Roselet and Jason divorced when Sarah and JJ were six, and Roselet and Klaus got married when Sarah and JJ were nine. Jason never remarried, and he stayed consistent in Sarah and JJ’s lives. Roselet is a French woman who came to America when she was seventeen and married Jason. She mostly speaks French, she’s extremely supportive of both her children and loves them and her husband deeply. She respects Jason for staying in the family after the divorce.

Klaus is loving, gentle and supportive and most of all; gives great advice. He loves Roselet, Sarah, and JJ with all his heart and he protects them. He also respects Jason. JJ is a happy, energetic, loving, witty, sexual nineteen-year-old young man, who, like his sister, grew up speaking both French and English. He experiments with his sexuality constantly; flirting with older men, girls his age, and loves to hang out with his sister and her friends. Jason is a man of very few words who loves his kids, but like my mother, was raised very traditional.

Sarah has messy, raven black curls down her back that she keeps in a low, loose scrunchie. She's pale with dimples and rich hazel eyes and is 5'7 feet tall. She has a thicker build than me, bigger boned, fuller; sexy. With her wide shoulders and hips, she gains muscle easily, but has trouble dropping pounds, not that she worries about that, she assures me.

Sarah’s a bit bashful when complimented, but she’s very bubbly and cheeky. She’s extremely charismatic, making everyone like her without much work of her own. When she speaks, her stories tend to drag on, but she tries to stop herself from doing that. She is very supportive of everyone, wishing everyone luck and letting them vent their worries to her.

Sarah’s sensitive to what people think about her, especially me, I've noticed. She gets upset and distant when she sees me with my boyfriend Gordon, though I'm not sure why. It's kind've weird. Sarah usually dresses in t-shirts, long sleeves, sweaters, jackets, fit jeans, cargo pants, scarves, sandals, black leather jacket, black purse, coat; long black coat and blue/red Dr. Martens.

She finds me hilarious and spends a lot of time with me. She loves talking to Charlie about the future, she admires him and thinks he’s intelligent. Sarah told me discovered she was gay when she was thirteen and came out to her family. Her father found it the hardest to swallow. Her twin brother JJ now is open to experimenting with his sexuality, but Sarah thinks he’s straight.

 

When Charlie, Sarah and their families meet my mother Kariah Clarke, she's overly false sweet, but everyone seems to buy it. I try not to come off shy, awkward and overly quiet as my mother introduces herself, but of course, I do and Sarah notices. As my mother shakes Roselet's hand, Sarah walks next to me and puts an arm around my shoulders.

 

 

A few days after Charlie, Sarah and I got to know each other better, I find that my shyness is completely gone around them. I'm louder, a lot more talkative, humorous and even sassy when the situation calls for it. I may act like it, but I'm not all so confident, though I'd never tell anyone. I don't want pity. I tend to put on a show for people to hide the fact that I'm hurting, sensitive and vulnerable.

Sometimes I think Sarah sees through it, though I pray she never does. Apart from anyone else, I care most about what she thinks of me. It would kill me if she found out. It scares me sometimes, the way Sarah looks at me. It's the same way I imagine I look at her; completely taken by her.

But it's so wrong to think like that, I have a boyfriend- a _great_ boyfriend at that. His name is Gordon Jenkins, he is fifteen years old, has sandy brown hair thrown across his forehead and dark blue eyes. He has an average-almost slender build, a few freckles/moles on his cheeks, and is 5’7. He is smart, bashful, respectful, sensitive, nurturing, sweet, dorky, quiet and accepting. He usually wears t-shirts, baggy dark jeans, tennis shoes, loose cardigans, plain bracelets, and scarves.

The things about myself that I try to hide, I try to hide from Gordon as well; my abusive mother, low self-esteem, my questioning of my sexuality and the pain from my father being forced out of her life. I don’t know if I should hate or pity my father. It wasn't his fault my mother forced him out of our lives, but he could've tried harder to stay.

I usually dress in t-shirts, lace long sleeves, half sleeves, oversized sweaters, cardigans, scarves, beanies, blue/black headbands, skinny jeans, knee long skirts, coat; holy dark green zip coat with fake white fur inside, high top red converse, brown wallet and rarely a black rectangular pair of reading glasses. I also carry an old happy childhood picture of me, my mom and dad in the back pocket of my pants.

I find Sarah adorable and I admire her optimism. I love spending time with her. I enjoy making everyone laugh, but especially Charlie because I think his laugh is cute. I also think Charlie is too serious and needs to loosen up, so I always try to get him to. I admire that Sarah is so brave as to be openly gay, and I admire how open JJ is with his _‘experimenting’._

I get the oddest, most miserable feeling when I see someone else get close to Sarah. It's so wrong, I try so hard to fight it. Gordon’s oblivious to the strange feelings I have towards Sarah.

I tend to be more thoughtful and take notes of everyone's birthdays, sending best wishes and gifts for them, along with holidays, even though I don't have much money. My dream is to have plenty of money to take care of my loved ones and people in need.

I'm nothing like my mother, she's small minded and homophobic, though she plays nice and sweet in front of others. My mother being clinically bipolar is not her fault, though she does make the decision not to take her medication, and not taking it causes her to have manic and depressive episodes where I am emotionally and physically abused. I know my mother loves me, just when she’s on her meds, and as long as I'm straight. My mother needs to sort herself out, and she knows it. My mother has me tell people that my father walked out on us. That’s the story she sticks with. It makes me sick to say it.

 

 

About a week after meeting each other's families, we; The Arrows begin performing together. Charlie is lead vocalist and lead guitarist. Sarah is also lead vocalist and the drummer. I am backing vocalist, thickening the chorus and have a rare solo sometimes. I'm also electric keyboard or synthesizer. Neville Chapman finds us two temporary band members to be our bassist and rhythm guitarist.

The Arrows are finally on our way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.


	5. Just Another Day

With the more I learn about Sarah, the more I like her. I often have to catch myself when I find myself staring at her, admiring her features, growing more and more attracted to her. Though I'm not the only one to blame, Sarah does it too. I've caught her many times, in fact...

I quickly glance at Sarah in my peripheral vision and smile a little too widely to myself. She's doing it _now_. I can't fight the urge to look again and I see Sarah's sharing my smile. I look away as my heart speeds up and I lose my breath. This feels way too good. Why does she do this to me?

This isn't right. My smile drops as shame sinks to the bottom of my stomach. I'm not gay, I have a boyfriend. I avoid looking at Sarah throughout the rest of rehearsals.

 

Later that day during dinner, I avoid Sarah's eye, no matter how much it hurts to. I'm busy being enamored by my peas when Charlie nudges my shoulder and whispers in my ear.

"Dude, I'm not even kidding, but Sarah's been staring at you for like five minutes."

My cheeks pinken on cue and I instinctively meet her stare.

"Chill, Sarah."

"I'm chill."

Charlie glances between us, looking for answers for our odd behavior.

"What's up?"

"Nothing."

Sarah and I answer at the same time, but in all honesty, I don't  _know_ what's up.

 

After dinner, Charlie, Sarah and I leave the dining room to prepare for our performance. As Charlie tunes his guitar and Sarah reads over the music sheets, I'm supposed to be practicing on the keyboard, but I can't stop daydreaming. I appreciate how Sarah's raven black curls fall and frame her cream-colored, breathtaking face. Her eyes can light up a room, a life, my life. Her lips are slightly swollen, red tinted and a little chapped, like they've been bitten many times out of nervousness. They look soft and beautifully red against her pale face. My eyes flicker to hers and I realise I've been staring holes into the side of her face and turn away quickly.

Charlie gives me a weird look as I almost turn completely around to avoid looking at Sarah again. What if she saw?! She’s gay, she might think I'm interested or something. I haven't been caught, but _what_ was I _doing?!_

 

 

Sarah and I's friendship builds through the weeks and we get to know each other more personally. We learn about each other; our reasons for auditioning, our first kisses, other firsts, and the pain we share from our parents' divorces. Sarah starts sharing her bed with me to listen to music or watch tv shows on her laptop. Slowly, I start letting go of my self-restraint and allow myself to be more affectionate with Sarah, and she with me. It starts out as little things like arms around shoulders and hugging, then it turns into more walking arm in arm, hand holding, laying across each other, kissing cheeks...

This makes it a hell of a lot harder to fight my 'more than friendship' feelings that I try to deny having.

Every damn time I touch this girl, butterflies fleet around in my stomach. This can't be normal. Why can't I stay away from her? I want more, but... what is  _more?_ I know this girl is important, but I haven't the faintest idea why. I'm with Gordon, he treats me perfectly well, but there's a knot in my stomach now every time he touches or kisses me. Like I'm doing something wrong.

Sarah's like a drug, I want her all the time. There isn't a thing about her that doesn't fascinate me, her personality, her heart, her laugh... I always try to make her laugh, I love seeing her happy, I love that loud, contagious laugh. Sarah always makes me feel supported, the least I can do is make her happy.

 

 

While the judges review our performances, we're allowed to go home for a couple days. I hold my breath and count the seconds until I can see Sarah again.

 

Time skip to a few hours later and I'm sitting at my dining table while my mother yells at me from the kitchen.

"If you really cared, you'd be  _here!"_

She forces out a few fake tears and pretends to sob. I don't react, she's done this way too many times. Suddenly, she slams her hands down on the counter and marches over to me, slapping my cheek.

"You don't fucking care about me!"

And with that, she storms off to her bedroom. I rub my cheek and take a sip of my can of soda. This is just another day.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Friends by Ed Sheeran.


	6. Conflict Of Interests

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

All I do from the minute I leave One Shot is think of Olivia and how much I already miss her. I try to get her out of my mind and enjoy this time with my family, but she's always there in the back of my mind. By the time evening comes around and my father goes back to his place and the house quietens down, my mother sits a mug of tea down in front of me with a smile.

"Je pense qu'il est temps que tu me dises." _**I think it's time you told me.**_

She sits down in the chair diagonal from me and sips tea from her own mug.

"Vous a dit ce que?"  ** _Told you what?_**

"Ce qui a été dans votre esprit toute la journée, ne pense pasque je n'ai pas remarqué."  ** _What's been on your mind all day, don't think I didn't notice._**

I smile and sip my tea, stalling. What could I tell her, that I think I'm beginning to have feelings for a straight girl?! Damn, I'm a mess.

"Mamam, Je suis tellement déchiré."  ** _Mom, I'm so torn._**

"Parle-moi."  ** _Talk to me._**

"C'est Olivia."  ** _It's Olivia._**

She smiles, but instead of sharing what she thought, she nods and waits for me to continue.

"J'ai beaucoup réfléchi à elle, je veux dire beaucoup."  ** _I-I've been thinking about her a lot, I mean a lot._**

"Je l'ai, ma chérie."  ** _I get it, my sweetheart._**

"Vraiment?"  **_You do?_ **

"Oui, mais je ne suis pas celui que vous devriez dire."  ** _Yes, but I'm not the one you should be telling._**

"Maman, elle est hétéro."  ** _Mom, she's straight._**

My mom just laughs and shrugs.

_"Alors?_ La sexualité est fluide, chéri."  ** _So?_ S _exuality is fluid, honey._**

"Maman, tu ne comprends pas. Elle a un copain."  ** _Mom, you don't get it. She has a boyfriend._**

"Oh, un _copain."_ ** _Oh, a boyfriend._**

My mom fakes seriousness and I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration. She just wasn't understanding the problem. My mother sets down her teacup, stands from her chair and hugs me.

"Cherie, tu dois lui dire."  ** _Sweetheart, you need to tell her._**

"Non, je ne peux pas. Il n'y a pas moyen qu'elle sente la mêmechose. Elle va penser que je suis un monstre!"  ** _No, I can’t. There’s no way she’s going to feel the same way. She’ll think I’m a freak!_**

"Chere, tu le regretteras tellement plus si tu ne le fais pas. Donne-lui une chance, Sarah."  ** _Dear, you’ll regret it so much more if you don’t. Give her a chance, Sarah._**

 

 

Finally, the day comes when we can go back to One Shot and I do so with a heavy weight on my shoulders. I walk through the doors and spot Olivia waiting for me with Charlie. I have to prepare myself before walking over. Charlie and Olivia hug me when they see me and we tell each other how much we missed each other. I feel like I'm on autopilot, like I have a bomb in my pocket that could ruin Olivia and I's friendship.

 

I feel like that all day, avoiding Olivia's stares and her questions about my behavior. Every now and then, she'll put an arm around my shoulder or hold my hand or lay across me when we're lounging on the couch. It makes me realise just how close we've gotten, but not close _enough_. I try to stay away from Olivia, but I hate to see the hurt in her eyes when I move away.

 

When evening comes, I slip away to our room and go straight to bed. Olivia strolls in about two hours later and throws her cardigan down on her bed before going into the bathroom and shutting the door. I bury myself further under my blankets and struggle to feign sleep, I'm a horrible actor. I'm lying still and stiff by the time she comes out of the bathroom and climbs into her bed.

"G'night, Sarah."

Maria comes into our room a few moments later and does the same as Olivia. Once we all settle in our beds, I release my breath.

I had all day to confess my feelings for the girl in the bed next to mine, but I kept them inside. I'm smart enough to know that being gay isn't something to be afraid of, but I also have a loving, supportive family. What if when I tell Olivia about my feelings, she's disgusted? There's a difference between having a friend who's gay, and having a gay friend who has feelings for you. What if she hates me for it?

My mother says 'just tell her', like it's just that easy. Maybe it is that easy. Maybe I'm just a coward.

I surprise myself when a loud sob breaks through my lips and I cover my mouth and freeze. I hear a bed squeak and I close my eyes.

"Sarah? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

I answer Olivia unconvincingly in my hoarse voice. Olivia doesn't let it drop as I hear her blankets shifting and her footfalls on the floor. My bed tips as Olivia sets her knees on my bed and hovers over me.

"Did you have a nightmare?"

"Sort've, I guess."

A tear unwillingly rolls down my cheek and Olivia pushes down my blanket, sticking her feet under it.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to make you feel better."

Once we're both under the blankets, Olivia wraps her comforting arms securely around me. I rest my head against her chest, feeling her fingers tracing my curls. I relax against her and close my eyes.

"Try to sleep, darling."

 

The next morning, I wake up to the shower being shut off. In a tired daze, I sit up and memories of last night hit me as I wipe my eyes. Olivia comes out of the bathroom, wet hair and bare feet and smiles at me with a wink.

"Sleep well, princess?"

"Yes."

"Good."

She towels off her hair and walks back into the bathroom. Neither of us mentions last night all day, at least, until that night. I climb into my bed and once Olivia comes out of the bathroom, she pulls back my covers and starts to climb in too, just like it's normal.

"Olivia, what are you doing?"

"Making sure you don’t have another nightmare. It’s really quite inconvenient, you know, waking me up in the middle of the night? We need to be well rested.”

She smiles such a shit eating grin and I smile back at her, both of us knowing her reasoning was complete b.s. Though I could only guess her real reason, maybe she does have feelings for me. I let Olivia under the covers and her arms find their way around me like it's the most natural thing they've ever done. She shifts closer to me and I freeze when I feel her breath on my cheek. A tender kiss is placed on my cheek and her breath blows my hair by my ear.

“Goodnight, Sarah.”

 

I wake up to an empty bed, but try not to be too upset about it. I shower and wander off to the dining room for breakfast. I see Charlie and Olivia sitting together at a table and once I get my plate filled, I sit in front of Olivia.

"I broke up with Gordon."

I wouldn't be shocked if my jaw actually dropped after those beautiful words left Olivia's mouth. Charlie laughs at me and hits Olivia's arm.

"Dude, at least let her get something down her first."

I finish lying my plate and utensils down and lean towards Olivia.

"Y-You did?! Why?"

She shrugged with one shoulder as she tore up her toast, trying to act nonchalant.

"Just a conflict of interests, I guess."

I have no idea what that means, but I think I like the way it sounds.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.


	7. My Snowflake, My Dove

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

I had to break up with Gordon, none of this was fair to him. I was tired of being disgusted with myself. I want to live, breathe and sleep with Sarah. Gordon is so sweet, he deserves better. I broke up with him early this morning, I didn't tell him why, but he accepted that my feelings for him no longer exist.

I hate myself for hurting him, but lately, I've discovered that my feelings for Sarah, whatever they are, are stronger than my feelings for Gordon. He deserves to be set free while I figure myself out. Until then, I'll continue sleeping in Sarah's bed.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

It's some hours after a late performance, and Olivia and I are alone in our room resting and refueling in my bed, listening to music on my laptop. We're laying next to each other on our stomachs in front of my laptop, and Olivia's bare feet tangle with mine as she's becoming enamored by the emotion of the slow song playing in our earphones. It's futile to keep my impulses under control with Olivia brushing against me, tangling with me. I can't help but stare at her from my peripheral vision as she silently mouths the words to the song, her eyes wide and lovely so close to me. I can smell her strawberry lip gloss and I see it there pinkening her lips.

Strawberry; that's all I smell as I lean closer to her, forgetting to catch myself. I stop myself as just Olivia's head turns and her wide eyes slowly drift to mine. We're so close, our hair is tangling, I can't pretend this didn't happen now. There's no going back now, is there? Do I even want to?

I might not ever get this chance again, and I know I'll never have the guts enough to actually tell her about my feelings. This is my one chance.

I force my gaze away from her lips and meet her large, searching blue eyes. I spot a tad of apprehension in her eyes, as I imagine is in my own eyes, but she doesn't move away. I move closer, clumsily shifting towards her on my elbows, and when our breaths intertwine, my lips just _nearly_ brushing against hers, I open my eyes to hers. They're no longer searching, they're darker and I see something I didn't expect.

 _Hope._ I see  _hope._

My heartbeat picks up the pace in my chest and my breath catches in my throat. Olivia wants to kiss me. She feels the same.

In urgency, I connect our lips, my hand coming up to cradle her chin. I press mini kisses to her lips, and a moment afterward, her lips begin to move with mine. The kiss is shy, sweet, as I open my mouth, taking her lip gently between mine. She slips it out after a second, then pressing her lips back to mine now wet and open-mouthed. I wipe my sweaty palm on my knee before returning it to cradle her cheek, getting higher on my extended arm and deepening the kiss as well.

Me getting higher and more in control must've scared Olivia, because she pulls away then and her large eyes appear startled.

“Sarah… Does this mean…”

“I think I love you.”

Her fear only intensifies and she sits up on the bed, taking the earphone out of her ear at the same time. I do the same and sit on my knees in front of her.

“Sarah, I… I haven’t figured everything out yet, I-I… I just know you’re _important._ ”

I lean forward on the bed, cupping Olivia’s cheeks.

“Show me how important.”

Her blue eyes sparkle and she caresses her lips to mine.

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

My lips don't know their way around Sarah’s like they know Gordon’s; the only person I’ve ever kissed. Sarah leads the way, her guiding hand on my chin.

I feel sick. Don’t get me wrong, I'm in Heaven, but I'm going to Hell. If my mother could see me now, _she’d_   surely be sick. My mother could _never_ know of this, _ever!_

Her lips slowly untangle themselves from mine, my eyes gradually opening, and Sarah takes my hands in hers.

"What does this mean?"

"I have feelings for you, I want to be my girlfriend."

I try not to show my apprehension, but it must've shown because she squeezes my hands and leans closer.

"Olivia, I know you're afraid. We can take this as slow as you want."

"M-My mother can't know."

"That's okay, no one who you don't want to know has to."

I let out a sigh of relief and sit further back on the bed.

"Can-Can we wait a few days before telling anyone? I-I think I need some time."

"Of course, all the time you need, Liv."

I rub my hands over my face and Sarah wraps her arms around me.

"You don't have to be afraid, we're doing nothing wrong."

I wipe away the tears covering my cheeks and wrap my own arms around Sarah, tightly.

"I just need time."

"Of course, honey."

 

I still don't consider myself gay, but I know Sarah is the one I want.

 

 

We wait three days before we tell Sarah's family, Charlie, and his family. They all seemed very happy and supportive, the only person who caught my eye was Sarah's dad. He didn't say a word throughout the entire conversation, he just forced a tight smile and nodded along. I suppose that's better than what he  _could've_ done. My mother would've kicked me out of the house.

Charlie moves to stand next to me with a stupid smirk on his face.

"I get it now."

"Get what?"

"All the staring, you _wuv_ her."

I chuckle and look up at him.

"You do realise you're twenty-one years old, right?"

He ignores me and keeps smirking like an idiot. I glance around the room, Sarah is speaking animatedly to her mother and brother, distracted. I grip Charlie's arm and reach onto my toes to whisper in his ear.

"Charlie, can I talk to you in private?"

He nods and follows me into the hall. He closes the door behind us and walks in front me, looking worried.

"What is it?"

"I-I, Charlie, I really don't know what I'm doing."

"What do you mean, with Sarah?"

"Yes, I've never done something like this before. The only relationship I've ever had was with Gordon, and if I'm being honest, was more like friends with benefits."

Charlie tousles his hair and I know I'm putting too much pressure on him. It's not his job to fix my life, I just need someone to confide in.

"Charlie, I don't expect you to fix this for me, I just want you to listen."

He takes his hand out of his hair and looks at me.

"I've been told for years by my mother that being gay is sinful, and it's going to take a lot more than a pep talk to undo that. The thing is, I know have feelings for Sarah, they're not going away, and honestly, I don't want them to. She makes me happy."

Charlie and I share a smile and I continue.

“Sarah has had herself figured out _years_ before I did, and I-”

I throw my hands up in exasperation.

“I have no idea what I’m doing!”

"And you don't have to! You think Sarah does? You think just because she's dated girls before, she knows exactly what she's doing? Maybe if you talk with her, you'll realise she's just as scared as you are."

I sigh and take his hand.

"So your advice?"

"Talk to her."

I groan and press my untaken fist to my forehead.

"So obvious."

" _So_ obvious."

Charlie laughs and starts leading us back into the room. When we re-enter the room, we see Neville Chapman talking with Sarah and the two families. When he spots us, he shouts and waves us over. After exchanging strange glances to each other, Charlie and I walk over.

"Alright guys, no one else can know about this. This has to stay in between all of us."

"What does?"

"Yours and Sarah's relationship."

It feels like I just got punched in the stomach and my eyes rush to find Sarah's, who's standing next to Neville, looking severe and sick.

"This is for the good of the band. You do understand that, right?"

I nod slowly and silently. I don't feel truly there anymore. I just stand as Neville babbles on, giving reason after reason why Sarah and I's relationship is better off being a secret. I hate myself for being relieved. I'm not ready for the public to know.

I don't even really understand my sexuality, I don't want the public to try to put a label on it.

"Something like this getting out could really ruin the publicity you guys are getting."

We're all very naive when it comes to how fame and the music industry work, so we trust what we're told and do as we're told blindly.

 

 

A few days later, Charlie, his family, and Sarah’s family get way too many earfuls about how _perfect_ Sarah and I find each other.

_'Sarah’s dimples, her greenish-brown eyes, long curls, her laughter, the music she’s into… just the way she is…'_

_'Olivia’s big blue eyes, her sweet smile, her kindness, her cute height, her humor… just the way she is…'_

 

 

I truly don't know how such a nickname slipped off my tongue, but during our daily dinner banter, I call Sarah my snowflake; a play on her surname; Winter. Ever since then, she insists on calling me 'dove', because she says I'm beautiful and kind-hearted. I scoff, but blush anyway.

 

 

As our relationship continues through the weeks, we become more attached to each other. We're always latched onto one another in one way or another, whether it be hugging, holding hands, kissing cheeks, or kissing in private.

Sarah and I are in our room and I press one more small kiss to her lips before pulling away entirely and stare up at her in my arms. Her eyes are intense as she strokes my cheekbone with the back of her fingers.

“I wish we didn’t have to hide.”

“After One Shot, I’m sure can be public then. I think Neville just didn’t want any controversy before we’ve made it as a band.”

Sarah scoffs at my choice of words.

_"Controversy."_

I reach up and kiss her cheek, then her nose.

"I know, I know... That's just the way it is, snowflake."

 

 

After rehearsals, Sarah and I lay on her bed and she brushes my bangs from my eyes.

"Tu es mon étoile brillante. Si brillante et prometteuse. Un jour, j'espère vraiment t'attraper."

“What does that mean?”

“You are my shining star. So bright and promising. Someday I hope to truly catch you.”

“You _have_ caught me.”

Sarah smiles and shakes her head.

“A heart like yours has to fall twice.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Dans le temps, dans le temps…” **_In time, in time..._**

I just shake my head with a smile and don't push her any further.

 

 

As Charlie, Sarah and I rehearse for our last performance in the competition, nerves are nearly shot when Neville Chapman enters and calls us over. His hands are clasped in front of his chest and he looks at each of us.

"I have a proposition for you three, if you're up for it."

We glance at each other and Charlie answers for us.

"Anything, we're up for it."

"I want you to come in third."

Silence falls upon us and we struggle to comprehend his reasoning.

"Third? You want us to lose?"

Sarah questions him and he only smiles wider.

"Yes, see, first place gets only a two-year contract, second gets a live tour. That's all set in stone, but if you come in third, I can get you a  _four_ -year contract. I already have a management set up, they're ready to sign you."

"Really?!"

Sarah grasps mine and Charlie's hands and Neville nods.

"All you have to do is agree to me rigging the competition and the contract is yours."

We trust him completely and agree.

 

When the competition comes to an end, Charlie, Sarah I stand on stage feeling vulnerable, having put all of our faith into Neville to make the right decision for us. A twenty-one-year-old girl named JayJ comes in 1st place and wins a two-year contract with a management. A thirty-two-year-old man named Gregory comes in 2nd place and wins a live tour. The Arrows come in 3rd and we're not  _supposed_ to win anything, but Neville promised us a four-year contract and we're ready to sign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran


	8. The Contract

On January 1st, 2009, we; Charlie, Sarah and I, or better known as 'The Arrows', are preparing to sign our first contract of our career. We're sitting in an office having the contract explained to us by two members of management, who introduced themselves as Kollin and James. Neville Chapman is standing beside them, interjecting every few minutes. Because Charlie and Sarah are over the age of eighteen, their parents are not required to be there. I am not so lucky.

My mother stands by the door quietly and nervously chewing her thumbnail. I had convinced her to take her meds, so she's not so bad now.

Kollin, a member of management, lays down the contract before us and smiles with pen in hand.

"Any questions?"

We all shake our heads and take turns signing. We don't even read the contract, we just believe what we're told. When we leave the room, Neville walks out with us and gives Sarah and I a serious look.

"You do understand what that means, right, girls?"

Sarah and I don't know what to say, we didn't expect to be questioned afterward.

"Management has the final say on everything related to the band. That means anything that could potentially affect the band's popularity."

Sarah and I still don't say anything, but we're slowly getting the idea. His smile turns into a grimace.

"If you girls want to come out publicly with your relationship, you have to get management's approval, and that's highly unlikely."

Sarah looks like she might cry, but all I feel is anger.

"Why didn't they  _tell_ us that before we  _signed?!"_

"They did."

"The  _hell_ they did!"

"They did, Olivia, you just may not have understood."

I feel like I'm about to explode and Sarah puts her hand on my arm.

"Liv, it's okay. This is just what celebrities do."

Neville smiles and gestures to Sarah.

"See, she understands!"

I glare at him and Sarah tries to comfort me.

 

Throughout the next few days, Sarah and I keep each other strong, even though we're basically in hiding forever. On January 19th, Charlie turns twenty-two. Sarah rents an apartment in New Jersey, and Charlie rents one opposite of her. I wish I could live with her instead of my mother.

 

Charlie is our lead vocalist and lead guitarist. Sarah is also our lead vocalist and our drummer. I am backing vocals, thickening chorus, have rare solos and play electric keyboard or synthesizer.

Management finds Charlie, Sarah and I two permanent band members. A girl, age twenty-one, named Trisha Sweeney will be our rhythm guitarist, and a boy, age eighteen, named Elliot Duncombe will be our bassist.

Trisha Sweeney is tall at 5’9, with tan and toned skin, sparkling green eyes, long wavy brown hair with honey highlights and defined cheekbones. She mostly wears tight leather pants, purple converse, red or black nail polish, sometimes black mascara, striped shirts, button-ups, and lace. She’s accepting, helpful, genuine, honest, confident and protective of her morals. She’s vegan and pro-animal rights, but is completely ready to punch someone, if they deserve it. She also doesn’t believe in stereotypes.

Elliot Duncombe is Australian, with feathery black hair, dark blue eyes, pale skin, slender build and around 5'8. He wears mostly jackets, boat shoes, loafers, skinny jeans, ties, light button-ups. He’s awkward, cute, smart, polite, accepting and talented.

 

We start writing songs for our 1st album that still has no name. I come up with the name 'No Name' because we as a band still haven't quite made a name for ourselves. Later, Management starts releasing promotional ads for our up and coming album. On June 2nd, Sarah turns twenty.

On July 7th, I turn sixteen. We have a party at Sarah's family's house, my mother isn't present. On July 24th, we release our album 'No Name'. After 'No Name' is released, we start doing live performances and interviews. Weeks later we start making and releasing music videos for a few of our songs.

While making our second music video, I accidentally break one of the props. No one is really too upset, except for me. Afterward, we take a break and Sarah is sitting with her feet propped up on a couch. I'm sitting on my knees in front of a coffee table, in front of Sarah, writing in a notebook. 

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

“I always get nervous and mess up during mvs.”

“You make no mistakes in my eyes.”

Sarah is purposely being over dramatic and I roll my eyes.

“Well, maybe I need to be with someone who can see clearer.”

Sarah bites her inner cheek, stumped for a moment.

“You’re not supposed to see clearly when you’re in love.”

I chew my lip and continue writing, choosing not to answer. Sarah stares at me and smiles softly, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees.

“Maybe that’s why you’re so blind.”

I look up at her with a raised brow.

“You’re in love with me.”

I slap my notebook shut and stand. Sarah watches me walk around the coffee table and collapse at the other end of the couch she was sitting on. Blood is coloring my cheeks now and Sarah stands excitedly and sits on the coffee table directly in front of me, causing me to look up at her wide-eyed. Sarah takes my hands in hers playfully and squeezes them.

“I love you too.”

I half smile and shake my head.

“No, you don’t.”

“Don’t tell me how I feel.”

Sarah shoots back and I don’t respond, I just stare down at our hands with pink cheeks and a sad, half smile. I feel Sarah’s eyes flicker over my face.

“You’re breathtaking.”

Sarah finally puts into words after a long silence of her admiring me. I squeeze her hands and meet her eyes.

“You’re everything.”

I stand from the couch and lower myself to my knees in front of Sarah, sitting between her legs. I interlock our fingers and once my lips touch hers, hers open against mine. Quiet open mouth kisses only to be heard by the two of us. My tongue tastes her bottom lip after a long moment, and Sarah's lips pull into a grin as she breathes a laugh softly into the kiss. My lips, still pressed to her softness, brush against her skin as I move to lay a lingering kiss on her cheek instead. Sarah combines both of my hands into one of hers and rests her other on my cheek.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.


	9. No Daughter Of Mine

Rumors of Sarah and I's relationship spread throughout our fans and the media. The media mocks and most fans think we're just close. There is a group of fans that truly believe we're dating and they analyze our interactions and support us. Charlie calls them our 'Detective Fans'.

 

Sarah has a ring made for herself and wears it every day, even in public. It's a black ring with both of our birthstones; a multicolored Alexandrite and a dark red Ruby in the center. When the Detective Fans see it, they immediately recognize the birthstones as mine and Sarah's.

 

As time passes, the rumors of our relationship just continue to become more well known. Eventually, management sits us down and teaches us how to 'believably' deny it. They have me do most of the talking and Sarah stay quiet because the girl really cannot act. As I expected, the Detective Fans don't buy it.

 

After doing interviews that day, Sarah and I have a  _moment_ and I end up under her in her hotel bed wrapped up inside her arms. She bites my bottom lip and I smile, pulling my lip away.

“When you and I _do_ have sex, Sarah, I don’t want it to be in a hotel room. I want it to be at your apartment in your bed.”

“So risque…”

I chuckle, capturing Sarah's lips with my own quickly, then laying my head back down on the mattress.

“I’m quite boring when it comes to sex.”

“Have you had it before?”

“I-I think…”

“What do you mean, you _think?!”_

Sarah asks, chuckling.

“I mean my first was with Gordon, but I’m not sure if what we did _counts.”_

“Then it doesn’t. You’ll be my first too.”

“Really?”

“Well.. my first doesn’t count either.”

“Was it with a girl?”

“I’ve known I was gay since I was thirteen, so yes.”

She starts to roll over, but I pull her back down into a kiss. My hands disappear into her long curls and her lips open for mine, our breaths hot and steamy as her tongue flicks over my lips. I tug her hair, pulling her closer and her lips against mine completely. I turn my head to side, speaking against her warm cheek.

"Don't go yet."

 

Only a couple days later, Charlie, Sarah and I are allowed to go back to New Jersey, and Trisha and Elliot go back to their homes and we all pack our things for tour. I pack my things the first day while my mother is out, then I go over to Sarah's apartment. She was just getting out of the shower, we start kissing, and, well... things get heated-sort of. Sarah pushes me down on her bed, leaving me staring up at her.

“Poser.”

“Excuse me?”

“Lay down.”

A wicked smile forms on my face and I do what she says.

“I love it when you speak French, I just can’t understand you.”

“Moins parler, moins parler, l'amour, laissez-moi vous embrasser.” **_Less talk, less talk, love, let me kiss you._**

Sarah whispers against my cheek before capturing my mouth under her own. I know Sarah could feel me smiling against her mouth and small giggles erupt from me. Sarah pulls back slightly, stroking my cheek.

“Chut, chut, petite fille.” **_Hush, hush, small girl._**

Another storm of giggles come over me and I sit up, causing Sarah to sit behind me with her arms crossed with childlike embarrassment.

“I thought you said you liked it when I spoke French?”

“I do, it’s just too much! You called me a _petite fille?!”_

“It means small girl!”

“I’m not  _small!_ ”

“Tu es délicat, beau, à couper le souffle et tout ce dont j'ai besoin.” **_You are delicate, beautiful, breathtaking and all that I need._**

Sarah cups my blushing cheek and kisses me. Though I only understood a couple words; beautiful, I and need, I'm completely under Sarah’s spell. She guides me back down with my back against the mattress, climbing back on top. I'm nervous, but fully ready to give myself to her. She kisses me, it's slow and wet as she undoes my shirt.

The rest is history.

 

The next day, I go back to my mother's to retrieve my bags. I walk downstairs struggling with my three bags and my mother is in the kitchen reading something on her phone. I drop my bags on the kitchen table and she doesn't look away from her phone as she speaks, seething as she does so.

"Olivia, I cannot _believe_ the disgusting things I've read about you."

"Mom, I told you not to read anything those sites write."

"They say you're  _gay,_ Olivia!"

I choke on the knot in my throat and fiddle with the zipper on my bag.

"Well I'm not, you know that."

"Oh, I know, sweetie."

She places her hand on my cheek and I try not to flinch. She laughs bitterly as she removes her hand and looks down at her phone again.

“I just can’t believe they think that  _my_ baby would be involved with another girl like that! How disgusting!”

Little does she know that Sarah took my virginity just yesterday. It makes my head numb and my stomach sick to hear her talk like that. I care about Sarah, I'm tired of being ashamed of us. I wish I could be as brave as her. I want to prove to Sarah that I'm just as much for this relationship as she is.

In a thoughtless, brave, stupid moment I can't stop my mouth from finishing my relationship with my mother.

"Mom, they're not rumors."

I only have her half attention as she flicks through her phone.

"What are you talking about, sweetie?"

This is it. This is where I die. I push the knot out of my throat and into my stomach.

"They're not rumors, mom. I'm gay."

I swear time froze as I stared at her. My head is spinning and her thumb freezes mid-press, her eyes ever so slowly meet mine.

"What?"

"I'm gay, mom."

She slowly sets her phone down on the table and I know she's probably going to hit me. I back up and grab my bags off the table.

"Yes,  _go!_ Get the hell out of my house!"

She follows me out, shouting insults and swear words as she does. I start walking down the sidewalk and call Sarah. I try not to let her know I'm crying, but of course, she knows. She always does. She picks me up and takes me back to her apartment.

I tell her what happened. I hate myself for it, but I end up crying into her chest while we sit on the couch.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

“She never wants to see me again.”

“Shh, she will. You just have to let her cool off for a few days. I’ll have my mother talk to her.”

“No, no, don’t do that.”

I knew from the day I met Olivia, that she was a martyr. She doesn't know the first thing about letting someone share your load, she's so used to taking care of everyone else. I kiss her troubled head and mumble against it.

“Let me take care of you, Olivia.”

 

The next day, my mother goes over to Olivia's mother's house to talk with her. When she gets back, we find out things did not go as planned.

"C'est la personne la plus arrogante, la plus cruelle que j'aiejamais rencontrée! Qui pourrait penser à de telles pensées surleur propre enfant?!"  _ **She is the most arrogant, bullheaded, cruelest person I have ever met! Who could think such thoughts about their own child?!**_

My mother exclaims to me, my brother JJ and my stepdad Klaus in my apartment. She shrugs out of her coat and hangs it up. Before she starts to speak again, we hear footfalls descending from the stairs. Olivia walks into the living room with an uneasy expression. My mother walks over to her and sighs.

"I don't know what to tell you, sweetheart."

"You can stay here."

I chime in and everyone looks at me. My mother doesn't seem to approve as she moves her hands to her hips.

"I don't know if that's appropriate, Sarah."

"Well, she has nowhere else to stay. She's too young to live on her own."

I turn my attention back to Olivia and walk over to her.

"Why not? Your stuff's already here."

With her eyes still red-rimmed from crying, she struggles to form her downward frown into something that resembles a smile. Though she's still uneasy and a bit shaken up, she takes my hand in her slightly sweaty one.

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> They Don't Know About Us by One Direction


	10. Ma Belle Fille

While on tour, Sarah and I begin to settle into our relationship. I notice that we don't constantly brag about each other to other people, I don't feel like I can't breathe every time Sarah's not by my side, and most of all, I think we both realise that we're not  _perfect,_ but good enough. Everything we need, we find in each other. The longer I'm with her, the more I'm convinced I've found the one for me, and it scares me.

I don't know how I'll ever deserve her. She's the bravest, proudest person I know, and I don't want to take that away from her. I'm still not the most confident when it comes to my sexuality and I don't want Sarah to ever have to pay the price for that.

I sit on my hotel bed trying to sort out these thoughts while Sarah, Charlie, Trisha, and Elliot are out in the boys' room watching tv. I told Sarah I'll just be a few minutes, but it's been almost ten. When I hear the sound of the door opening, I quickly wipe my tears away on my sleeve. Sarah walks in and she sees my red eyes, despite my best efforts to hide them. She sits next to me, touching my arm.

"What's a matter, dove?"

"It's nothing, don't you worry about it."

I start to stand, but Sarah takes my arm and guides me back down.

"Olivia, you can talk to me."

"Really, Sarah, it's nothing."

"Then tell me."

I sigh, there is no way I'm getting out of this. I tilt my head down a little ways, not meeting her eyes anymore.

"It-It's just about..."

I trail off, struggling to put into words my troubling thoughts. Sarah pulls me closer, I rest my forehead against her shoulder and my throat goes raw and tears begin forming in my eyes.

"I'm still confused about being gay."

"Honey, I know. I told you it's okay, you're new to this. Our feelings for each other are what matter, not our genders."

“I’m going to cause you so much pain.”

“You’re worth it.”

“No, I’m not-”

Sarah cuts me off and kisses me, gently holding my face in her hands. Her thumb brushes over my cheekbone as she kisses me softly and curtly, pulling away and staring into my eyes.

“As cheesy as it sounds, you’re worth it to me.”

I blush and smile widely at my lap. We leave the room hand in hand to watch tv with Charlie, Trisha, and Elliot.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

The next day during breakfast, which consists of room service in our hotel room, Charlie pulls me aside. He stands before me, awkwardly running his hand through his dark, messy ginger hair as he always does when he's nervous.

"What was so important, Charlie?"

"Now I don't want this to come off judgemental or anything..."

"Then say it the way you mean it."

He runs his hand over the nape of his neck a few times before straightening up.

"It's just you and Olivia... You guys have, um, just moved really fast in your relationship."

He waits for me to react badly, but I don't. I stare at him, hoping he'll make his point.

"I mean you're living together, ya know? She's sixteen and I was just surprised about how fast you guys moved."

"Olivia moved in with me because her mother kicked her out."

"Yeah, I know, but she's only sixteen, Sarah."

"I know, Charlie. It may look bad from the outside looking in, but I'm letting her in control. I'm willing to take this as slow as she needs. I care about her too, Charlie."

Finally, his awkwardness is gone and he smiles at me with a regretful cringe of his eyes.

"I know you do."

“Olivia's what’s been missing from my life. I feel _right_ with her and I want to embrace it. I’m not ashamed to be in love with Olivia.”

This catches Charlie’s attention and he raises an eyebrow.

“In love?”

I force my initial fear away and let a crooked smile take over.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Charlie laughs and hugs me. Over his shoulder, I see Olivia coming our way and I pull away, gripping his shoulders.

"Okay, but don't tell her, because I haven't yet."

Charlie laughs again and nods.

 

About three or four days later, I wake up to my alarm going off. I shut it off and lay back down, watching Olivia sleep soundly next to me. I shake her shoulder to wake her up and she only groans. This is our morning routine.

"Olivia, we have a concert today. Wake up and get showered or management will have your ass."

She opens her eyes only to roll them at me.

"Management can fuck off."

I laugh.

"Yeah they can, but you still have to shower."

I start to sit up on the bed, but Olivia's fingers hold my forearm in a loose grip.

"Sarah, I- I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"Come here."

I shift closer to her and her hand hooks behind my jaw and she pulls me into a kiss. I lay my hand on the side of her face as open my lips to hers, pushing closer. She takes my bottom lip between hers, sucking gently, then lets go to kiss my lips again. Olivia pulls away a little to look into my eyes.

"I love you."

My breath disappears as I stare into her large, awaiting sky blue eyes.

"I was going to say it first."

"What?"

I smile and kiss her again, only briefly, pressing my lips to hers a couple lingering times, then meeting her eyes again.

"I was going to say it first, dove."

"Oh, too late now, snowflake."

"I love you too."

 

 

When the rumors of our relationship don't go away, management decides to take it a step further, much to my dismay. When they first brought up the idea, I was totally against it, still am, but then Olivia throws my words back at me.

"This is just what celebrities do, Sarah."

So that's how it happened. That's how Olivia got a beard named Elliot Duncombe. Management assures us that all they have to do is get seen together by fans and get papped walking around, holding hands and  _sometimes_ kissing.

I wish we never signed that contract. I wish we could be open with the public instead of hiding.

 

Things get awkward between Olivia and Elliot the first time they kiss, but Charlie and Trisha try to help laugh it off. I'm not amused. I _hate_ seeing those two kiss, I can stand everything else; the hand holding, the smiles, I don't care. My skin crawls everytime Elliot kisses her.

It's bad enough having to deny our relationship during interviews, but now they're having Elliot kiss his friend, _my_ girlfriend. It's not Elliot's fault and it's not Olivia's fault, I know that. We'll just have to tough this out until our contract ends.

Someday I’ll get to kiss and hold hands with Olivia in public. Someday we won’t be hiding. Someday…

 

 

Olivia and Elliot have been 'fake dating' for almost three months now. This evening they went dancing and I've seen far too many pictures and video clips taken by paps and fans. I'm restless, just sitting here waiting for Olivia to come back to the hotel. It's one in the morning and she should've been back hours ago. Maybe she's actually enjoying her time with Elliot, without me.

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

I make it back to the hotel and Elliot goes into his room and our bodyguards leave me at the door. When I close the door of mine and Sarah's room, still in my jacket, key in hand, Sarah quickly pins me to the wall in a kiss. After a second of shock, my hands find her shoulders and I pull her closer, opening my mouth and letting her in. Her lips are moving fast, even hard against my own, and her tongue sweeps over my lips before entering my accepting mouth. Sarah's hands grip my waist as she lets off steam, ultimately turning me on faster than I ever had been before. I push my empty hand into Sarah's curls, willing it to get lost and tangled in Sarah's locks. Once Sarah begins to miss what air feels like in her lungs, she releases me and allows me my personal space back. I drop my key on the dresser and chuckle as I wipe my lips with the sleeve of my jacket.

“You’re hot when you’re jealous.”

“I just hate seeing him touch you, I swear he does it just to make me jealous.”

Sarah turns away and starts walking towards the bed. I take a single step towards her.

“You know, he’s really not that bad.”

Sarah whirls back around with a bewildered expression.

“Are you starting to _like_ him?!”

“No-I mean, he’s just not as bad as you make him out to be.”

“He’s just doing this for the money and publicity-not exactly the best qualities.”

“C’mon, you _used_ to like him!”

“Yeah, I guess that was before he started kissing my girlfriend.”

She throws back the blankets and starts undoing the buttons of her shirt. I smile and let the conversation drop, shrugging out of my jacket.

 

The next night after our performances I try to make up for all the time I've been spending with Elliot. I manage to slip away for about twenty minutes and buy Sarah a bouquet of flowers. They're a mix of red roses and purple hyacinths. Red roses obviously mean love, and I read somewhere that a purple hyacinth means sorry.

Sarah and I sit together on the couch at the hotel and watch movies on the tv. I assure Sarah that she has no reason to be jealous, that I'll always be her girl. In response, she cups my cheeks and stares into my eyes.

“Ma douce fille aux yeux bleus…” **_My s_** _ **weet** _**_blue-eyed_ _girl..._**

I understand almost every word and duck my head as Sarah pulls me to her chest.

“Non, non, non ... Ne pleure pas, ne pleure pas maintenant.”  _ **No, no, no... Don't cry, don't cry now.**_

Sarah leans down and kisses my head.

“Ma belle colombe. Ma charmante fille. Ma belle fille.”  _ **My beautiful dove. My lovely girl. My beautiful girl.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Happily by One Direction.


	11. JayJ Burgundy

On January 19th, 2010, Charlie turns twenty-three. Elliot turns nineteen, Trisha turns twenty-two. In mid-May, our tour ends, but before we go back to New Jersey, we all spend our paychecks on the same thing; taking care of our families. We send money back our families, enough for better houses in better towns, cars, and stability. Charlie, Sarah, Trisha and Elliot's families call and thank them, but my mother doesn't respond.

 

Once we get home, Charlie's brother; Heath proposes to his girlfriend; Julia Moon. She says yes and we celebrate.

 

On June 2nd, I have my arms wrapped around Sarah’s waist from behind, my chin resting on her shoulder. Many pictures are being snapped of us by Sarah's, Charlie's, Trisha's and Elliot's families as Sarah stands in front of her twenty-first birthday cake. We've been together just a few months away from two years. Sarah, with her bright smile and beautiful eyes, is my beautiful girl. I feel myself growing emotional, happy tears just beginning to form. I duck my head, now resting my forehead against Sarah’s shoulder.

“I love you.”

Sarah strokes my cheek and hair.

“I love you too.”

Sarah’s hand hooks under my jaw and raises my chin. We kiss and the cameras continue to flash.

 

On July 7th, after my seventeenth birthday party, Sarah and I are alone in the kitchen. I'm cleaning up after the party and Sarah comes up next to me.

"You still have another present."

"Really?"

I turn to look at her and she has her shirt buttons undone a little ways and she's pulling her collar to the side. On her chest, just above her heart, I see red swollen skin and ink in the shape of my name.

"Sarah, you didn't!"

I touch the skin gingerly and look into her eyes. She's smiling down me and encloses me in her arms.

"Happy seventeenth."

I hide the tears in my eyes by hugging her close, my fingers accidentally getting tangled with Sarah’s long curls.

I knew then that I would return the favor.

 

A few days later, I surprise Sarah by also getting her name tattooed on my chest, just above my heart. 

 

Sarah and I rent an apartment together in New York, and Charlie, Trisha, and Elliot rent three opposite and next to us.

 

After we start writing our 2nd album which Sarah names 'Letters From Us', Sarah and I decide to get 'matching', and I say that loosely, tattoos again. Because I was nervous, I let Sarah go first. She gets a gold star on her thigh, her reasoning; I'm her shining star. I get a small white snowflake just above my elbow, my reasoning; it's just a play on her surname. Though it was painful, I don't regret it. I'm proud, at least I'm trying to be.

 

 

Fame has brought more than just a few unique people our way. I've met plenty of men and women who look like they belong on the cover of a magazine and actually are. And boy, do they have the personality to match; overly confident, flirty and self-absorbed. Purely just a pretty face. Now, not everyone in the business is like that, though I did go into this business thinking that.

I thought every singer or actor was a self-centered, egotistical, vain asshole. I ate those words when I met JayJ, or Jewel Jaynene 'JayJ' Burgundy. I meet her at an awards ceremony in Miami. The Arrows only attended because we were nominated for 'Best Alternative Rock Music Video'. We went home empty handed, but that's okay because I went home with something better.

I was hiding behind Charlie, Sarah, Trisha, and Elliot when JayJ recognized me from across the room and came over. Having her standing in front of me jogged my memory of just two years ago at One Shot. I saw her briefly then, but she made quite an impression. I can't believe I've forgotten her. To be fair, she looked much different then, a lot younger, more natural, real.

JayJ stands in front of us at 5'9 with long toned legs and tall navy blue heels that have her almost standing completely on her toes. Every inch of her, that I can see, is thin, tan and toned, bringing out the brightness of her long, wavy golden blonde hair that flows down her back, reaching her curved waist. Her golden blonde waves have streaks of red, black and light pink, just thin streaks to add color. Long, dark, fluttering lashes cast shadows over her large sparkling blue eyes. JayJ has high cheekbones, a sharp jaw, and her full, plump, bright red lips, like her golden blonde hair, contrasts with her bronze summer tan.

Under the right light, you can see through her long, navy blue silk dress that has black lace sleeves. The neckline goes almost to her stomach and she's wearing fake black nails, multiple rings that match her long necklace and a pair of silver dangle earrings.

"It's nice to meet you guys, I'm JayJ."

She says while shaking Trisha and Elliot's hands. She smiles to Charlie, Sarah and I next.

"And it's nice to see you three again. Olivia, babe, haven't seen you in while, right?"

I blink my way out of my awe state of staring rudely at her breathtaking appearance when she places a tender touch on my arm.

"Are you alright, babe?"

She asks, her voice smooth, sultry, warm like a crackling fireplace. JayJ is nothing like she was when I first saw her...

 

_(Flashback : 2008 at One Shot)_

_I'm leaning tensely against the wall in the main waiting room, just waiting for my audition._

_All heads turn in the direction of the door at the sound of heels boldly clicking closer and into the room. The young blonde, just turned twenty-one, strides in with a pink t-shirt, the short sleeves intentionally shredded in a fashionable style. Her black skinny jeans hug to her as if they're wet and they share the same splits down the thighs and back pockets. She wears low black heels and her blonde hair is curled and pinned halfway up, only a few curls loose on either side. Her lengthy lashes are mopped in mascara, her blush is put on too thickly and her lipstick isn't only on her lips._

_She resembles a child that just got finished playing in their mother's makeup, but somehow she makes it work. Everyone ogles the blonde as she sways past them and straight to an empty chair and sits with her legs crossed._

_I'm staring, but I don't know why; I have a boyfriend... and I'm not gay._

_(End Flashback)_

 

I come back to present day and Charlie is speaking to JayJ. She smiles at him, then narrows in her searchful gaze on Sarah and me.

“So how are you guys getting along together?”

I'm a bit confused as to why she left Charlie, Trisha, and Elliot out, but Sarah answers without any hesitation.

“Things have been great, touring is stressful, but-”

“No, you _know_ what I mean.”

JayJ gives us both a knowing look, and Sarah flashes me a worried one. I swallow the lump in my throat and attempt to speak.

“How-How did you know?”

“Oh come, you guys are so _obvious_.”

I see Sarah blush from the corner of my eye and JayJ points at me.

“And you, by far the most obvious. I knew you were gay from the time you were checking me out at One Shot.”

I bring my gaze to the floor, staring at my feet as Charlie, Sarah, Trisha, and Elliot chuckle about it. JayJ seems worried by my reaction and grips my elbow, smiling tightly to the rest of the band.

“Let me borrow her for a minute.”

She doesn't wait for them to agree as she pulls me away. I allow myself to be dragged out of the awards room and into the hallway, far back into a corner away from people.

“Why are you ashamed?”

“I’m not.”

_“Olivia?!"_

“Being gay is wrong!”

I snap. Realisation swarms in her wounded, haunted eyes and she just stares at me for a second. When she speaks again, her voice is different, brittle.

“I see, you’ve been brainwashed by your parents, huh?”

I shrink myself into the corner and cover my face, but she doesn't tolerate my hiding and pulls my hands away, gripping my shoulders.

“Being ashamed of who you are and denying yourself someone you love is a shitty way to live, and you're going to get damn sick of it someday and you’re not going to be able to get her back. Who’s more important, Sarah or the fuckers who don’t know you?”

JayJ doesn't give me time to answer as she walks away, her heels clicking loudly and a man opens the door to the awards room for her. I only allow myself a few seconds of recovery before leaving the corner with a new straightness in my shoulders as I go to find Sarah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Wake Me Up by Ed Sheeran.


	12. Love Is A Thorny Rose

Management begins releasing promo ads for our 2nd album; 'Letters From Us'.

 

Seeing me with Elliot is still hell for Sarah, but she is trying to give their friendship another go. She apologized for being an asshole to him and understands he's only doing this so I don't have to be intimate with a complete stranger. I appreciate him for it.

 

Charlie, Sarah, Trisha, Elliot and I are goofing off before an interview when my phone dings from the couch. Mid laughter, I walk over and check my messages. It's not a text, it's a public message sent to me on social media.

_Tobin Butterfield : "Olivia, it's your dad. I need to talk to you privately. Please."_

This _has_ to be a fake account, this  _can't_ be real. Please don't be real. I block the account and stuff my phone into my pocket, rejoining the conversation and trying to forget about it.

 

The message never leaves my mind.

 

During an interview, despite management telling her specifically not to, the interviewer asks me about the message and I find my exploding.

"...If a man who hasn't been in my life since I was eleven, thinks he can just start being a father after a public message, then he has a hell of a wake-up call coming!"

Management waves for her to move on and I glare holes through my knees for the rest of the interview. Once the camera stops rolling, I barge out of the room ignoring calls from management, Charlie, Elliot, Trisha, and Sarah. I exit out the back door of the building and pull my hood over my head and slip on my sunglasses. I don't know where I'm going, I just need air, space, solitude. Let's just say I get what I need.

I'm in a state I've never been to before, except in our tour bus, and I'm having a cry in the dark on a park bench.  _My life._ Afterward, I embark on my stroll back to the hotel. I only make it to the next street before I spot one of our bodyguards marching towards me from the other end of it. I sigh knowing there's going to be a speech when I get back.

"They sent us out looking for you."

"No need, I wasn't running away, Greg."

He takes my arm anyway and walks me back. When we walk through the front doors, I see the main room is nearly filled with members of management, Neville Chapman, Charlie, Sarah, Trisha and Elliot, all with stressed, worried faces.

“Found her!”

“What am I, a lost dog?”

No one finds my attempt at a joke funny as Sarah runs up and hugs me, and a couple members of management walk up behind her, glaring at me.

"You can't be pulling stunts like that, you have a job to do."

I'll spare you the details and just say I got quite the earful from management and after give or take twenty minutes, I manage to get away again, this time to my hotel bathroom. I sit on the edge of the bathtub and wipe away the dry tear stains. As soon as I finish collecting myself, I check my phone messages, then social media messages. Most are pms from management and the band, but one is a public message.

_Tobin-Butterfield : "Olivia, please talk to me. I need to explain things in private."_

I actually choke out a laugh into my hand. This man, my dad actually made  _another_ account to contact me. Maybe he truly does have something to say. I click his account and add him, then press private message.

_Olivia Clarke : "Make it good."_

It only takes him a couple seconds to begin typing. I can just  _feel_ his excitement.

_Tobin-Butterfield : "Olivia, thank you so much for talking to me!  Listen, I will make it good. I heard your mother kicked you out, she actually called me and told me. She was crying, she regrets it. She's back to taking her meds and is doing a few therapy sessions, she wants to get better. She wants you home during your breaks. She told me you're gay? We have so much to talk about!"_

_Olivia Clarke : "Yeah, like what?"_

_Tobin-Butterfield : "Olivia, can't we meet up? I'd much rather tell you in person."_

_Olivia Clarke : "No, this is your chance. Is that all you had to say, are we done or what?"_

_Tobin-Butterfield : "Alright, alright, gosh, I can't believe I'm telling you this over private message. I'm bisexual, Olivia. That's why your mother kicked me out. I wanted so badly to be a part of your life, but your mother wouldn't allow it. She was very unstable then, I just didn't want to make it any worse for you. Do you understand that, sweetie? I love you, I'm so sorry for what's happened. I wish I could've prevented it."_

I don't answer as I stare at his words.

_Tobin-Butterfield : " I miss you. I want to see you."_

I still don't answer, I'm still letting his confession sink in. It takes him a minute to start typing again. I watch the dots disappear.

_Tobin-Butterfield : "I don't want your money, Olivia. If that's what you're worried about."_

_Olivia Clarke : "It's not. Listen, I'm not on tour yet, but I'm in LA. When we leave to pack for tour, I'll try to get away a few days early and see you. You're at mom's?"_

_Tobin-Butterfield : "Yeah, I am. See you then."_

I don't respond and put my phone back in my pocket. Honestly, I don't know if I'm really going to go. The dad I remember would have  _never_ left me behind, but this one did. This one wants to talk with me.  _'_ _They're the same dad!_ _',_ I try to convince myself.

He just made a mistake and left me with an unstable, abusive mother. Nothing too major, right? Growing up, my dad was a soft-spoken, sweet, gentleman, a wonderful father, and a caring husband. He loved us both. Whenever my mother would have one of her episodes, he would always calm her and convince her to take her medication.

He taught me piano and singing. He loved, cared for and supported both of us. My mother ruined it.

 

Later that week, I talk to management about me taking off a few days early before we leave for tour, but they already have interviews planned. They said I could go now, as long as I'm back in time for our next interview. I didn't like that idea because it didn't give me much time to think it over, but I pack a bag anyway and catch the first flight back to New Jersey. Sarah kisses me before I leave and tells me to call her if I need to talk. My dad sends me the address of my mother's new house and he's already on the porch when my taxi drops me off.

His hairline is beginning to decline, though his brown hair is still full and feathery. His big blue eyes shine when they see me and a smiles breaks through onto his kind face. He has short, brown scruffy facial hair, an average build and is around 5'5, he must be where I get my short height. He's wearing faded, messy clothing and I feel a pang of guilt. With my bookbag over my shoulders, I let him walk me inside.

My mother's nowhere in sight and I turn back to him.

"She's at therapy now, you'll see her later."

"So she really kicked you out for being bi?"

"She doesn't understand different sexualities, Liv."

“I guess that’s just what she does when she doesn’t understand something about someone-just kicks them out of her life.”

"She wasn't brought up that way, but she's trying now. She trying to accept and understand. She wants to be better for us, for you."

I scoff and he just watches me sympathetically.

“Give her time, Olivia. That’s all I ask.”

 

My mother comes home hours later and when she sees me in the living room, she bursts into tears, hugging me so tightly and apologizing.

"I'm trying to understand, honey. I'm trying so hard!"

 

We spend days together, mostly talking, and though I hate,  _hate_ to admit it, we cried as well. I felt good about the trip as I was leaving. I think I'm on my way to forgiving them,  _both_ of them. I left money for Tobin on the counter, I just couldn't get the sight of him in those raggedy clothes out of my mind.

 

Eventually, I feel comfortable enough to bring Sarah over to my parents' house and introduce her as my girlfriend. My mother bit her own tongue and shook her hand. I nearly cried, yes I admit it. With every time I bring Sarah over, my mother becomes more comfortable with our relationship. I think this is the happiest I've ever been.

 

Sarah and I meet up with the rest of the band and we release our 2nd album 'Letters From Us'. We start doing live performances again and more interviews.

 

 

Rumors about Sarah and I continue to grow and spread, and I think they always will. Management sits us down again and they 'ask' us not to interact so much during interviews or on stage. They say they'll be placing either Charlie, Trisha or Elliot between us and we're not to talk to each other unless it's absolutely necessary. Also, the talk of beards is once again brought up, but not for me this time. For Sarah. What could I say? How could I fight this? I was about to learn the hell Sarah is living.

 

Management starts sending Sarah out and around with celebrity men. They do what Elliot and I do, just walk around, hold hands, occasionally kiss. I feel my skin burning and I know Sarah feels the same way about Elliot and I. I have no right to be jealous, oh, but I am.

When Sarah gets back to the hotel after her first very public ‘date’ with some celebrity guy, she spots me laying on the bed with my arm thrown over my eyes.

“Now you know how I feel.”

“Do you think I asked for this to happen?”

 

With interviews, performances, Sarah's 'dates', and mine and Elliot's 'dates', Sarah and I hardly get to see each other alone at all. Only at night, when we're tired and have missed each other, we just hold each other as we sleep.

Many interviewers and headlines seek out to ruin Sarah's reputation, this is a direct response to the amount of men she is seen around with.

Sarah walks into our hotel room and from one glance at the tears in her eyes, I know she's seen the headline. I clear my lap of my book and she lays her wet face on my shoulder.

“Everyone thinks I’m this _horrible_ person!”

Her voice is thick with tears and I place my hand on the back of her head.

“No, it doesn’t matter what they think. I know you. You’re kind, sweet, awkward and perfect. Charlie, Trisha, and Elliot know you, your family knows the real you. Everyone _loves_ you, Sarah. How can they not?”

Sarah cries into my chest and shoulders many times, nights, and I can’t help but think it's my fault. If it wasn’t for me, Sarah wouldn’t have to be seen around the country with a different man every week. I wish I could protect her from this. She deserves so much better. If she ever leaves me, I'll understand.

I lean back and nudge her chin up, forcing beautiful hazel to meet blue.

“I need a smile, Sarah.”

With tears still in her eyes, she smiles. Sarah has an innocent child’s heart that needs care and protection. I’m willing to give her that. She’s still so young at heart...

I comfort her in French, which I had slowly learned since I met Sarah.

“N'écoutez pas ceux qui ne vous connaissent pas, mon bébé. Je promets que je vais vous protéger.” **_Don't listen to those who don't know you, my baby. I promise that I will protect you._**

 

 

We start releasing music videos and Sarah gets sent out with more and more men. We have to deal with our jealousy, stupid fights and hardly getting to see each other. We try to make the best of it.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

I get sent out with another beard and plenty of pictures and videos are taken. I feet like an animal in a zoo or a museum exhibit. I come back to the hotel and when I walk into the bedroom, Olivia is sitting on the bed with her face in her hands. I close the door and question Olivia gently.

“Are you alright?”

Olivia raises her head up at the sound of my voice and forces a tight smile.

“I just want this to end.”

She’s been crying, I hear the wetness in her voice. I sit next to her and put my arm around her shoulders.

“So do I.”

She bows her head into her hands again and I position myself closer, pressing my lips to the back of her head. We stay like that until she moves to look at me again.

“You and Alex, you kissed. It didn’t seem necessary. Did management tell you to kiss, or…”

I gape for a moment, searching for an answer. Management hadn’t told us to kiss, but it wasn’t _my_ fault.

“Alex initiated the kiss, I couldn’t turn him down in front of all the fans and cameras. That would look suspicious.”

“You couldn’t just playfully push him away or something?”

“I’m _sorry_ , I really didn’t have that much time to think! What, do you think I _wanted_ to do it?!"

Olivia’s face hardens at my shouting and she stands and turns away from me. I follow her.

“First of all, Olivia, I’m _gay_. Second of all, I’m yours.”

Olivia doesn't speak as she stays faced away from me. I reach out and lay my hand on her shoulder.

"I... I just need some space."

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

I feel her remove her hand from my shoulder and I feel cold inside.

"Okay, if that's what you need."

I turn around and walk past her, not looking at her as I grab my jacket and walk out the door. I leave through the back of the hotel to avoid any bodyguards insisting on going with me. 

Out of all the places I could have ended up, I end up in a bar. I start off not getting served, but after a bit of a fight with the bartender and proving to him who I am by showing him my I.D, he finally serves me. It only took a couple drinks to have me staggering out of the bar and tottering my way back to the hotel. Once I'm only a few streets away from the hotel, someone grabs my arm and I'm relieved when I lower my sunglasses and see it's one of our bodyguards.

"We've been looking for you all night. You need to stop doing this."

"I've been around... just around..."

By my slurred speech and rank smelling breath, he registers I'm drunk and tsks.

"You better not start getting into trouble like this, Olivia. It's only downhill."

He brings an arm tightly around me and half carries me back to the hotel. Upon arrival, I'm met with a very angry looking Sarah in our hotel room.

“Où étiez-vous?!” **_Where have you been?!_**

“Sorry, I don’t speak French.”

I lie just to spite her.

“Where have you been? It's been hours.”

“I needed a drink.”

I throw my jacket over the back of the couch and walk around it and collapse onto it. Sarah follows me around the couch and stands in front of me.

“How did you even get them to serve you? You’re seventeen.”

“Having a familiar face can sometimes work to your advantage.”

"You're lucky he didn't call the paps, he would've had a payday."

Her anger seems to have melted away and she sits close next to me. I put an arm around her.

"So you're not mad at me anymore, dove?"

"I was never mad at you, it's just... seeing you two kiss, it... It burns me up, I hate it."

"I know how you feel."

I hug her closer and kiss her forehead.

"I'm sorry, snowflake."

"It's not your fault."

"I love you."

She brings her lips softly to mine, it's slow, rhythmic and sensual. My heart speeds up as I stare into her eyes.

"I love you too."

 

Upon finding alone time together, Sarah and I kill our downtime by embracing our love. We wind up back at the tattoo parlor, this time it's my idea. Sarah holds my hand as I get a red rose with a long, thorny vine tattooed on my waist. My reasoning is that our love is beautiful, but it can get hard sometimes. Sarah gets a white, blue-eyed dove tatted on her collarbone. Her reasoning is that 'dove' is her nickname for me.

 

The Arrows go on tour and on the plane I sit with a smile, having Sarah asleep with her head on my lap.

 

During our concerts, while we play the song Sarah and I wrote together, 'Just Wait', I have to hide my face by letting my hair fall in front, I have to do _something_ to hide the tears from the fans. As I play the keyboard, I avoid looking over at Sarah sitting at her drums. She doesn't play during this song, it's a ballad. Charlie stands at the front of the stage and sings and plays guitar, Sarah sings too, but not as much as Charlie. Trisha and Elliot walk around the stage playing their guitars in front Sarah and I and each other, just showing off.

It's great, I just wish I could interact with Sarah. That's why we decide to chance it.

 

During our next interview, Sarah and I talk, joke, and Heaven forbid, we may have even actually  _touched._ How it felt is indescribable. Sure we had hell to pay with management afterward, but we would do it again in a heartbeat. Even as we both sit in management's office heeding a lecture, we have no regrets. Once they're through, they wave us out of the room and I get up after Sarah, but turn back to them for a second.

“I just want to thank you. Sincerely, you’re doing a _wonderful_ job.”

I remark before following Sarah to the door. Out of anger, I turn around when I hear a member of management; Kollin laughing.

“You know what? Fuck you!”

“Olivia…”

Sarah tries to tug me by my arm closer to the door. I hate to do this to her, I know she hates fighting, but I shake my head at her.

“I’m sorry, Sarah, I just can’t take it anymore! I can’t take it!”

A few other members of management, including Kollin, are still laughing when I see hurt form in Sarah’s features. She has taken my outburst in the wrong way. I _meant_ management, not our relationship. She releases my arm and I follow her out, management _still_ laughing.

I’m still pissed when we get back to the hotel. I can't believe how much things have changed for us just by signing a contract. Little did we know then the gravity of the contract. We didn't know it would mean management would control our every last move and word, that we wouldn't be able to love with pride in public. We used to be so naive, so trusting.

Now our movements are watched, monitored. We're puppets and management holds the strings. This life isn’t what any of us expected.

Once we're alone in our room, with the inclusion of Charlie, I let out my frustrations.

“I swear Charlie, when 2013 comes around and our contract ends, I'm going to tell the world everything management did to us!”

He agrees with a nod and I hear footfalls behind me.

“We’re going to go public?”

I hear Sarah’s timid voice question and my anger melts away. I turn around and see her standing there looking at me nervously.

“That’s up to you. 2013 management can’t control us anymore, we could do anything.”

“Is that what you want?”

“More than anything.”

“Then let's do it.”

I hug her and excitement swells in my chest.

"I'm going to enjoy throwing management under the bus."

 

The next day, I find out that, _apparently_ , management heard something about my 'plan' and wants to talk to me.

"Olivia, we're-"

Kollin chuckles into his hand. He's tickled to give me the news, whatever it is.

"We're  _'sad'_   to tell you this, but you're actually not permitted to carry out your, um,  _'plan'._

"But the contract will be over in 2013."

"You're still not allowed to publicly share your negative opinions about any of your previous contracts."

He smiles sweetly at me with a tilt of his head and I leave the room in a huff, slamming the door like a child. Sarah is waiting for me and I take her hand.

"We're still coming out 2013."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Sara Smile cover by The Bird and The Bee.


	13. Love Will Win

January 19, 2011, Charlie turns twenty-four. Elliot turns twenty, Trisha turns twenty-three. Our tour ends and we all go back to New York.

Sarah turns twenty-two and I turn eighteen. For my eighteenth birthday, Sarah and I get matching tattoos. I get the words 'Je t'aime,' on my right wrist and she gets the words 'Ma belle fille' on her left wrist. Together they say 'I love you, my beautiful girl'.

 

Roselet and Klaus, and my parents; Tobin and Kariah move to North Carolina and live oceanside. Molly and Garrett move to New Orleans, Louisiana and live riverside. Jason and JJ move to the Virginia countryside. Heath and Julia move to a town near Molly and Garrett. Trisha and Elliot’s families travel, but reside in Pennsylvania.

Charlie, Sarah, Trisha, Elliot and I still live in New York in the same apartment complex. We all keep in touch; visiting, calling, etc.

 

One out of all the many times Trisha, Elliot, and Sarah and I accompany Charlie while visiting his family, they throw a bit of a late night celebration. Everyone has a drink in hand and we set off fireworks over the water. Sarah stands next to me as we watch the brilliant colors dance over the water. Her arm is tight around my waist and I whisper into the gentle breeze.

“I would like to settle down here someday.”

“Here, in New Orleans?”

“Yeah, by the river. A nice riverside house… someday… with you.”

Sarah looks down at me for the first time. Her cheeks are pink from the cold and a stray black curl falls over her eyes as she smiles and hugs me closer. I lean onto my toes, she leans down and we met in the middle with a kiss. I brush her stray curl behind her ear as our lips dance against each other, growing warmer despite the constant breeze. Sarah pulls away, staying close though and still smiling down at me with a twinkle in her eye.

“You know, I think I can see that happening.”

“Really?”

“I promise.”

I smile and lay my head on her shoulder. We stare over the water, holding each other close and keeping warm while everyone else continues setting off colorful fireworks over the dark water.

 

 

After our short break, The Arrows head back to New York and we start writing our 3rd album. Charlie names this album 'When You Hear It From Me', it's one of our song titles that he feels sums up the album. Management puts out promos, we release our album and start doing performances and interviews and releasing mvs. Everything's pretty calm, that this, until we're on tour. We have our usual fusses with management, only this time Sarah takes a different stance once we get back to our hotel.

I'm muttering curse words under my breath as the two of us walk into our hotel room. Sarah shuts the door behind us and we hang up our jackets. As I'm walking over to the couch, Sarah stays by the door.

“I’m sure they know what they’re doing, Liv. We don't know everything.”

I never knew so much anger could come over someone so fast. I march over to her with my fists clenched.

“How can defend them after what they’ve done?!”

“Olivia, we’re not the first. This is just what celebrities do. I don’t like it, but we signed the contract.”

“We didn’t _read_ the damned contract! We were kids, Sarah! We trusted them.”

She doesn't look convinced as she walks past me to the bed. I'm seething in my skin and I know I can't just come down from this; I need to be alone. I jerk our room door open and hear Sarah calling after me.

"Olivia, don't go again, plea-"

The door slams shut and I don't hear her voice anymore. I slip out the hotel and find myself nearly running down the street, I need to be alone quick. I take cover on another park bench with my hood, my sunglasses and my hair covering my face. The sun's still out a little, but no one's about.  _Good._

I stay there until I feel the anger seep away, it's better than fighting with Sarah. She deserves better, I just wish she understood.

I head back to the hotel when my phone tells me I've been gone for nearly two hours. When I get back, everyone else is asleep and Sarah's in the shower. She usually does that when she's upset. I slip into the bathroom, locking the door behind me, which alerts Sarah.

“Who is it?”

Before I can answer, I meet Sarah’s eyes through the shower door.

“It’s just me.”

I shrug off my winter jean jacket and rest it on the sink. Sarah seems to understand and shuts off the water. She opens the shower door and I step inside. Only then do I notice how cold it is. Cool air chills every inch of my bare skin and I glance at the mirror; no fog whatsoever. Her shivering fingers find the buttons of my flannel and begin undoing them. Her long, soaking raven curls cling to her pinked cheeks, her neck and down her back, almost to her bum. The wetness has straightened it, making it longer.

“I thought you hated cold showers.”

“It was hot when I started.”

Her skin is snowflake pale, porcelain from the cold. Her cheeks and fingertips are pink, blushing from the cold. I put my hand on her cheek to warm it.

“I’m sorry.”

Sarah slips out the last button and finally meets my eye, her hands on my shoulders, thumbs under my shirt. She awaits my permission to continue and I nodd. She slides my flannel down my arms with ease and tosses it on the floor just outside of the shower. She starts working on my jeans next, tugging at the stubborn button. When I try to help, she slaps my hands once each and gives me a stern look with her forest tree eyes; a beautiful dark emerald green mixed with a reddish brown.

I keep my hands at my side as Sarah manages my button and slides my pants down, letting her thumbs brush my bare skin on the way down.  She leaves my underwear on as her hand encloses around my ankle, urging me to lift it.

She's going to take her time, one item of clothing removed only after the first is completely off. Slow and sensual, that's Sarah. I watch her as she’s crouched down at my feet removing my pants. I raise my foot to enable her to remove a pant leg, then the same with the other. She tosses them out on top of my shirt, then she stands.

Our eyes meet and a smirk slithers its way onto her bright red lips. Her cold fingers slip under my bra straps and slide them down. She maneuvers them off my arms and lifts my bra up. I help her pull it off and over my head, leaving me bare in front of her, just in my underwear. She tosses it away without hesitation.

Sarah sits on her knees again and her cool, slender fingers insert under the hem of my underwear, tucking the top over and sliding them down my thighs. I allow her to completely remove them and she casts them away with the rest of my clothes. Sarah seals the shower door closed and turns away from me, turning on the hot water. I jump and gasp from shock when cold water begins to pour down on us instead of warm. I had forgotten that Sarah said she used all the hot water.

Sarah wraps her arms around me as if to warm me with her freezing, dripping body. My hair, soaked and chilled, now longed to reach my breasts and clings to my shoulders and neck. Our numb, frozen, moist lips meet under the pouring water. They can't warm each other, for they both lack heat. They merely push together limply until I take Sarah’s soft bottom lip between my teeth and nibble.

Sarah reclaims her lip instantly, pulling out from my teeth and pushing me against the wall. Her hands seize my shoulders as she claims my mouth, hard. She wants control and I'm in the dog house, so how can I deny her this? Her tongue tastes my lips and I open them, allowing her entrance and complete control. Her tongue is in every corner of my mouth, dancing on my tongue.

One of her hands release one of my shoulders, and grip my jaw, tilting it upwards. Her sweet tongue slides out of my mouth and she bows her head, letting her red lips enjoy the sensation of kissing and mouthing my neck as water droplets slither down it. Her tongue makes another appearance as it begins to lap at the water droplets that trail down my neck. Sarah’s hand leaves my jaw and finds my breasts. She cups them gently and her kisses begin to drift lower, down my neck, past my collarbone and onto the soft flesh she holds in her hands.

Her hands slide to my waist and she kisses, licks and nibbles at a place I was once too shy to show her. Her soft, wet kisses begin to trail down my ribs and stomach as she lowers to her knees. I rest my head against the shower wall in anticipation for what she is about to do. My mouth is agape as her tongue makes another appearance.

 

We're both shivering uncontrollably, not only from the cold, as I drape a towel around Sarah’s shoulders, before doing the same to myself.

 

 

Days later, we all go out to let off a little steam. We go to a bar and it was agreed before arriving that Elliot and I, being twenty and eighteen, would not be drinking, but things don't happen that way. Once Trisha gets a few drinks in her, Elliot and I convince her to buy us drinks. It was a fun night all in all, but someone must have leaked our location because before we decided to leave, fans started showing up and taking pictures and videos. I was holding a drink in most of them, management wouldn't approve.

I just hope they never see.

My hopes are destroyed when Charlie comes into our hotel room with his cell pressed to his ear and Trisha and Elliot behind him. With a grim expression, he motions to Sarah and me.

"Get ready, Neville Chapman and management want to see us. We have to get on a plane."

"Are you  _kidding?!_ _"_

He answers with a terse shake of his head and leaves the room again. I give Trisha and Elliot a frantic look.

"We had a few drinks, it's not like we murdered somebody!"

"I know, it's ridiculous."

She says with a small shrug of her shoulder, but her expression tells me she's nervous, Elliot too. They leave us to get ready to go, and Sarah and I hardly say anything to each other before taking hands and leaving the hotel with the rest of the band. From the airport, a car takes us to management's building and we are brought into their office. Neville is standing next to management behind their desk, as he usually does, and we sit on the chairs in front of them. I'm silently protesting as I drown out their lecture and chew my thumbnail.

What we did isn't  _nearly_ bad enough to deserve this. Management is way out of line, as they always are. Management is babbling on about how we're ruining our band's reputation by Elliot and I drinking in a bar. After the lecture, Charlie, Sarah, Trisha, and Elliot apologize for their  _corrupt_ behavior and I stay silent. Neville and management stare at me specifically for a minute to see if I'm going to apologize, but I continue being overly concerned with the state of my thumbnail.

Kollin sighs and waves us off. Neville comes out from behind the desk to walk us out, but I stay sat as everyone else walks to the door. Everyone looks at me and Neville sighs.

"Come on, I think she has something to say."

Neville guides the rest of the band out into the hall and a few members of management leave with him, leaving me alone with Kollin. Once we're alone, I prop my feet up on a chair and look at Kollin with my head tilted, looking nonchalant with a smirk. He glares at me and interlocks his fingers, leaning forward across his desk.

“You are by far the most difficult artist we’ve ever dealt with.”

“If you were a better management…”

“I know you want to take all the blame and put it us, but it’s not our fault, Olivia.”

My eyebrows go up as I force out a laugh.

“Are you  _serious?!_ ”

He sighs  _again._

“If you want someone to blame so badly, then you should turn around and put it on yourselves. We gave you a contract, you didn’t read it. I suggest in the future you read your contracts more carefully.”

“Yeah, thanks for the suggestion.”

I say dryly as I pull my feet off the chair and leave the room, not slamming the door this time.

While on the plane no one talks to me, it's late and we're tired, at least I hope that's the reason. Once we're back on tour at our hotel, I'm back to being pissed after my nap on the plane and I make it clear to everyone. I'm shouting from the minute we're in our room.

“How could you apologize to them?! We did absolutely nothing wrong!”

“We have to protect the band’s reputation, Olivia.”

Elliot says calmly from the dining table with Charlie and Trisha.

“Damn our reputation!”

“Olivia, we signed a contract to-”

“Damn our contract!”

Charlie rolls his eyes and drinks from his can of soda, and Trisha and Elliot exchange unimpressed expressions. Sarah doesn't look too pleased with me as she hangs up her jacket.

“Liv, you agreed to it, you signed it-”

“Yeah and we were, what, fifteen, nineteen, twenty-one years old? We didn’t _read_ the contract, Sarah! We were kids, we were _told_ what was on it!”

"Well, maybe that's our faults!"

Sarah and I scowl at each other, and Charlie sets his can down and comes to stand between us.

“Alright, let’s try and settle now, okay?”

Sarah huffs and walks away, shutting the bathroom door. We hear the shower turn on and Charlie puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Want to play video games and cool off?"

Charlie and I talk while we play and I actually feel myself calm. It's nice to talk it through instead of always running to be alone. It surprises me, but Charlie has become like a brother to me through the years.

I wait for Sarah on our bed and she comes out of the bathroom with wet hair and wearing warm sweats. She stops in front of me and I look up at her, my eyes big and mournful with my lips in a childish pout.

“Is it even worth it anymore?”

Sarah brushes by cheek with the back of her fingertips, offering me a tiny doleful smile.

“Our love will win. Be patient, dove. Le temps passe vite, bébé.” _**Time flies, baby.**_

 

It's almost impossible to find alone time together now, so Sarah and I make time. We slip away after an interview and end up at our favorite place. I get the letters 'L.O.V.E' tatted across my knuckles on my left hand, and Sarah gets a black and white hourglass on her forearm.

I think these are my favorites, they give me hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Sweet Creature by Harry Styles.


	14. Fight For You

More than a few things have changed since I spoke to you last, you'll have to catch up.

 

I cherish the moment as Julia Moon walks down the aisle to meet Charlie's brother; Heath Rutherford, on July 18th, 2012. Her dress trails feet behind her, and I, age nineteen, sit next to Sarah, in my white button up, black tie, blue jeans, and same old red high top converse. Sarah, who is now twenty-three, has dressed a little more formal than me, in her blue suede suit with matching dress pants and shoes and a black bow tie. Charlie, now age twenty-five, is sitting on the other side of me in a black suit and tie, holding hands with his now girlfriend; Trisha Sweeney, age twenty-four. Elliot, age twenty-one, sits on the other side of Sarah and he's been seeing a man named Marco Lancaster.

Elliot met him over our tour that ended recently and we've met Marco a few times since. Elliot never really had to come out to us, he just told us that he met a man while on tour and he just started going out with him, bringing him to the hotel. Now I guess I'm  _his_ beard.

We've all changed a lot over tour and after it ended. I feel like a whole nother wave of puberty hit us all. Through the months, we have matured physically, mentally and emotionally.

Charlie finally made it 5'10, gained more muscle(some might even call him _buff)_ , and grew out a light 5 o'clock shadow. He started keeping his dark ginger hair neater and speaks more intelligently, slower and deeper. He dresses smarter too, mostly in suits, ties, button-ups, dress pants, neat jeans and dress shoes. He wears Trisha's red necktie around his wrist and he wears a gray peacoat. He also got contacts so he doesn't have to wear his glasses. Through the months, he really grew to be the leader of the band, he's responsible, mature, kind, caring and a gentleman.

Trisha hasn't changed that much, honestly. She's always known who she is. I can say that she's been happier, more lively since she and Charlie started dating, but that's the only change I've noticed.

Elliot has definitely lost his shyness and awkwardness. He's very confident and flirty, I never thought I'd see the day... I think Marco might have something to do with this change, but I can't be sure. Since they started going out, Elliot has trimmed his soft, black hair and has been so much more open with us as a band member and as a friend. Marco is an intelligently spoken man, around twenty-five years old with a wide collection of music and books, brown eyes, dark skin and a broad build in comparison to Elliot's slender build.

Sarah grew in confidence, well,  _very_ much so. She stopped stuttering so much in interviews, slumping her shoulders and getting embarrassed. One thing I'm most relieved about is that she stopped talking things regarding fame to heart. Sarah's mature enough now to understand they don't know the real her. She grew to be very sociable, she loves to talk and loves people.

As much as she grew to love to talk, her stories still drag on and on, but the fans are humored by it, so fair enough. Her hair is no longer pulled back in a ponytail, Sarah let her long, black curls grow to her waist and go wild and free, falling wherever they like. She starts dressing in suede suits, bow ties, Hawaiian/landscape shirts, colored dress pants, knee high lace up boots and her winter coat is thick and black with a red silk interior. She's traded in her black purse for a tan mailbag and wears no makeup aside from occasional dark red lipstick and dark red or blue nail polish.

Her eyes are as beautiful as ever, still changing day to day. Mossy green to mossy brown to honey hazel-but always intriguingly beautiful. Her confidence and self-acceptance are the most admirable things about her. She owns the stage when we perform, riling the crowd-they _love_  her!

Trisha and Elliot are entertaining to watch on stage, and are completely charismatic and energetic. They attract most of our younger fans, around thirteen or fourteen years of age.

Charlie attracts most of our _straight_ female fans, intelligent, attractive, deep voice, built and most of all-a complete gentleman. Charlie is the leader, he always has been, guiding our concerts and band in the right direction. We wouldn’t make it as a band without Charlie, and I continue to drift further and further into the background.

I stayed 5’2 and pretty much the same physically. My light chestnut brown hair still stops a few inches past my shoulders, though I did part my bangs to the right to look more mature. I still have the same big blue eyes and high tops red converse.

I usually dress in thin button-ups, ties, baseball shirts, baggy sweaters, jean jackets, fit jeans, brown or gray jeans, my coat is a greenish-gray flannel, and I wear rubber bands on my wrists to cover my tattoos. I've also started wearing a cross around my neck and my black sunglasses more. I wear my reading glasses a lot less and I wear little makeup, just strawberry lip gloss, light nail polish, perfume, that's about it.

I began talking less during interviews, I can't speak without interrupting Sarah. Nah, that’s just my excuse. I find speaking to the interviewers to be unbearably stressful. I just keep silent and nod along, they don’t even notice my existence. My usual playfulness and sass are completely gone. I feel drained of it. I just observe Sarah’s brightness, Charlie’s sweetness, Trisha's heart, and Elliot flirtation take over the room and everyone’s attention. I become the reserved, quiet one in the group.

I started to focus more so on charities rather than fame and interviews. I spend my free time raising awareness, donating and helping with charities. I hate to think of all the money we’re making and all the lives we _could_ be changing. I want to make a difference in many people’s lives, they deserve it more than me. The rest of the band are involved in charities too, but it consumes my free time, and I'm okay with that.

Even with all the changes, Sarah and I still remain on the same page and I become even closer with her family, and her with mine. We think of each other as one family. Actually, all five of us think of each other as one family.

 

After the wedding is over, along with the after party, Sarah and I begin our hectic and very tipsy journey home filled with laughing, hugging on each other and sloppy kissing. We stumble, laughing loudly with our arms thrown around each other, past a bar where a man stands outside wearing a baseball cap. Our laughter fades when we meet his dark, furious eyes and an uneasy feeling overwhelms both of us. We keep quiet and our eyes to the ground with our arms becoming tighter around each other, not only to steady one another, but to protect each other if needed.

"Fags!"

We knew that was most likely coming just from seeing his glare directed towards us. We ignore him shouting plenty more slurs and just  _nasty_ , vulgar insults at us, as we continue walking and hear his footfalls close behind us, too close. We expect him to wander off eventually, but he never does. He tails us down a couple blocks and I feel my grasp on my temper begin to loosen when I see the wetness and fear in Sarah's once tipsy eyes-now completely sober. Enough is enough, Sarah's fucking  _scared_ _,_ I have to deal with this asshole.

I know taking him on in a fight wouldn't be wise, but damn it, if it calls for it, I could take him for Sarah. He's not going to touch her. I don't look at him or stop walking, but I turn my head to the side slightly and shout.

"Fuck off!"

"Don't tell _me_ to fuck off, faggot!"

Before I can even shout an insult back, Sarah takes her arm from around my shoulders, curls her hand into a fist and swirls around to face the man.

"Sarah-"

I cut myself off when Sarah's fist collides with the man's jaw, causing him to stumble back mostly from shock and let out a string of curses. I cover my mouth with both my hands for a moment before snapping out of the shock and pulling Sarah away from the man. Him calling _me_ specifically a faggot must've rubbed Sarah the wrong way. Genuinely, I didn't think she had it in her. Sarah turns away from the man and continues walking down the street, wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands.

The man wipes the little blood from his jaw and proceeds to curse under his breath. I hear something along the lines of 'Damn women', and I conclude that he still hasn't learned his lesson. I take one wide stride and give him my right hook as well, right in the same place. He staggers back again and is now quite pissed off, but I don't give him time to vocalize it.

“Stay the _fuck_ away from us.”

I give him one more second of my own pissed off expression before turning away and catching up to Sarah, who's sliding into a taxi when I do catch up. I close the door and reach through the window, touching Sarah’s arm.

“You go on back home, darling. I’ll handle this.”

“What’s to handle?”

“Management has to be told. What if he knows who we are?”

Sarah bows her head and runs her fingers through her long, wild, midnight curls, groaning as she does.

“Right, _management.”_

“That’s the way it is.”

I pat Sarah’s arm, then pull away. I slip my cell phone out of my pocket and tap Management’s number. Sarah leans back in the seat and I know she's not going anywhere until management shows up. Sarah's not going to leave me alone with the man.

 

When I finally get home, Sarah's sitting in our bed. The bed shifts slightly as I sit next to her.

“So what happened?”

“Same as always, Management paid to keep his mouth shut.”

Sarah scoffs.

“Of course he could be paid off.”

"It's a good thing."

"I know."

She smiles before leaning in and kissing me. Mid-kiss, I begin tugging her suit jacket off of her.

"Let's go to bed, snowflake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.


	15. Paris

After we start writing our 4th album called 'Not Like Yesterday', the five of us attend an awards ceremony. Right when we leave the limo, it's like we just spit into three separate ways. Charlie and Trisha went off together and Elliot just wandered off into a large crowd of people outside, smiling and shaking hands. Sarah and I stick together and walk casually along the long red carpet littered with flower petals. We wave at and take pictures with fans and speak with other artists in their fancy, formal clothes.

After a chat, we're back to walking along when an interviewer being followed by a cameraman walks up to us. She has bright, dancing brown eyes, short brown hair and is wearing a sleeveless red dress, carrying notes and a microphone in her hands.

"How are you girls liking the award ceremony so far this year?"

I put some distance between Sarah and me, and let her answer.

"It's wonderful, lots of incredible talents here tonight, and we always love meeting the fans."

"Yes, and they love meeting  _you._ So who are you two excited to see?"

Before Sarah can answer, the interviewer takes back the mic.

"It wouldn't Parker Robbins, would it?"

Parker Robbins is the celebrity management had just recently sent Sarah out with. I want to sigh and interrupt, but I bite my tongue. Sarah feigns a smile and shrugs.

"I dunno know, I'm a fan of a lot of people here."

The interview seems to ignore her answer as she moves onto the next question. She doesn't even let me answer the question.

"Do you think you'll be going home with something tonight- or someone?"

She waves her brows suggestively and Sarah ignores the last part of the question.

"We're definitely not the most talented people here tonight, but, yeah, fingers crossed."

Sarah holds up her crossed fingers and the interview fakes a laugh, looking back down at her notes, then back up at me.

"Olivia, so where's your boyfriend tonight? Elliot?"

“Uhh, I don’t know. I walked in with him, but I think he wandered off at some point.”

I look around nervously, smiling, and the interviewer laughs.

"Oh no, you better find him. There are lots of beautiful ladies around, you might lose him."

I refrain from rolling my eyes and the interview keeps shooting out questions.

We don't know how it happened, but somehow the conversation shifts and the interviewer tucks her notes under her arm and looks at us seriously.

"So how are the rumors of your guys' supposed relationship affecting you guys? It must be hard to have relationships when the fans always make things up about you."

There is no way in hell we're answering that question! Interviewers are usually told by our management not to ask about it, but this is a very relaxed setting and I suppose management wasn't bothered. Neither of us says anything for a few seconds and I look at Sarah in the corner of my eye. She's struggling to find an acceptable response, but she never was a good actor. I take control and ignore the question with a wide, fake smile and an exaggerated nervous laugh. My eyes shift through the crowd as I tilt to look past the interviewer.

“Uhh, where’s Charlie?!”

I ask loudly to Sarah and she smiles the same nervous smile and laughs.

“Yeah, that’s a good question!”

I spot JayJ Burgundy walking our way and I lift my hand to gesture to her and catch her attention.

"Hey, here's who _I've_ been looking forward to seeing tonight!"

I change the topic by adding JayJ to the conversation.

 

 

We release promos and our 4th album 'Not Like Yesterday', and start doing performances and interviews.

 

During an interview in Australia, Sarah gets flirted with by the female interviewer. Charlie, Trisha, and Elliot are all shits and giggles, but Sarah's uncomfortable and offended, and I'm fighting my jealousy and protectiveness. The interviewer leans forward and touches Sarah's knee and I can't take it anymore. I have to say something. I decide to just make a joke of it, there's no other way.

“Have you no shame, woman?!”

The interviewer just looks at me, removing her trespassing hand and chuckling, taking it fully as a joke.

“Shame isn’t in my vocabulary.”

“Sometimes it’s okay, though.”

I say with a shrug and a tilt of my head. She raises her eyebrows and holds up a few of her fingers defensively, still holding onto her papers.

“Okay, okay, calm down. I’ll leave your girl alone.”

The audience laughs, I try to force a smile and Charlie mouths the word _‘obvious’_ to me. Maybe I am, the interviewer must think so too.

 _‘Your girl’_ , she said.

_She knows._

 

 

We release a few music videos and go on tour.

 

Elliot walks into our hotel room and throws down a magazine onto the coffee table.

"They're back to writing garbage."

"Did they ever stop?"

I remark from the comfort of Sarah's arms, and Charlie leans over the table mid-chew and gives the magazine a lazy once-over. More attention than it deserves. I can't help it as my eyes run over it and I spot my name. I try not to care as I cuddle closer to Sarah on the couch. Elliot looks to me and points to the magazine.

"They wrote about you."

"I don't give a shit."

"They said-"

"Elliot, she doesn't want to know."

Sarah speaks for me, firmly and hugs me closer. Elliot sighs and falls into a chair. Trisha pulls out her lighter and flashes a wicked grin my way.

"Liv, want me to burn it?"

"I don't care, do whatever you want with it."

I say as I leave Sarah's arms and the room. I only faintly hear footfalls behind me as I shut the bathroom door and hear soft knocking afterward. I open the door for Sarah and allow her in.

"I know you're upset."

"I'm not upset about a stupid magazine. I just didn't want to be in there when Trisha started burning things."

"Right."

She says, unconvinced. I ignore her and wash my face in the sink. I had tried to escape into the bathroom to maybe have a cry, but now that Sarah's here that's not going to happen. I begin drying my face on a towel and Sarah comes closer to me.

"You remember when I used to cry to you over what they said about me in the media? You can too, you don't have to be ashamed."

"It doesn't bother me."

"It's okay if it does. You're not made of steel, I know you're more sensitive than you put off. You bleed just like me."

"Shut up."

I know that if she doesn't stop, the tears forming in my eyes will begin to spill. Sarah comes closer and puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Olivia, it's okay."

I shake my head and the tears start to fall.

"I don't know why it bothers me!"

She gathers me into her arms, murmuring next to my ear and stroking my hair.

"They write nasty things, it's okay that it bothers you."

"I just feel like the fans, the media, and the interviewers, they just care about you and the others, and I'm just  _there._ I hardly sing, I hardly even speak during interviews, I offer nothing to the band!"

Sarah pulls back at that, staring into my eyes looking thoroughly shocked. Her thumbs stroke my shoulders as she speaks next.

"You really believe that?"

"Sarah, everyone loves you. I'm nothing."

"You're _everything_ , Olivia. Those people who write those magazines? Their main goal is just to pick up new readers. They'll write _anything_ , it doesn't matter to them if it's true. Do you have any idea how many fans live just to see you? They adore you. And the band? We couldn't make it without you. We probably wouldn't even be friends, honestly. You brought us all together."

I'm not the biggest fan of pep talks, but this one is actually working. My tears are gone and my arms wrap around Sarah, hers do the same.

"You know, I was only kidding, snowflake."

"Hmm, sure you were, dove."

When we leave the bathroom, the smell of smoke fills our senses and I turn back and look at Sarah, both of us laughing.

"Is she really burning it?!"

"You thought she wouldn't?!"

 

 

Through the weeks, I work on my communication, being more honest about my emotions with Sarah, instead of keeping them inside. I didn't believe it would work, but I've been feeling happier, supported. I don't have to bear this load alone, I have Sarah.

 

 

Later, we have an interview and everything starts out just fine. The interviewer; Marty, a tan brunette woman, asks us about our music, tour, fans, but halfway through it goes south. Sarah denies having a boyfriend, but the interviewer takes the mic away.

“Oh really? Because I think we saw you with your stud in LA just a couple weeks ago.”

I begin speaking over her, trying to cover her voice as a picture of Sarah and some famous man walking down the streets of LA pops up on the monitor.

“No, but remember that time in LA last year, Charlie?”

I nudge him with my elbow, trying to get him to help me change the subject, but the interviewer had already begun to ignore me and talk to Sarah.

“So anyway, about you and Evan Petra…”

I huff and lean back on the couch while the interviewer rattles off questions about Sarah and Evan Petra’s supposed relationship. Charlie offers me an apologetic expression before sighing and taking a slow drink out of his glass. Trisha and Elliot sit next to each other and have their own quiet conversation. I stretch, one of my arms go over the arm of the couch and I take note of a mug of tea that is very much in reach. Just one wrong move from Marty and I’ll have the perfect distraction.

“...Yeah, but you two must have at least had a fling, we saw you coming out of _many_ hote-”

But this personal and highly inappropriate question is cut off by my cup of tea hitting the floor with a sharp, satisfying crack.

“I’m so sorry, Marley!”

_“Marty."_

She corrects me as she leans down and helps me wipe up tea mess.

“Marley?”

_“Marty."_

“Mardy?”

I ignore Charlie, Trisha and Elliot’s muffled chuckling as Marty looks at me like she knows I'm testing her. She glares and we continue picking up the broken glass.

“Mar-ty.”

“I’m so sorry for butchering your name, Marty, and for making this mess. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, there’s no problem.”

Marty says, straightening up and setting the used paper towels and my broken mug on the other side of the coffee table, away from me. Before she could stand, I put my hand on her knee.

“But maybe you have something to apologize for as well…”

“Apologize for?”

"Maybe you should apologize for being so unprofessional during this interview. Maybe you should stick to asking questions about our music, not our personal lives. You should apologize to Sarah.”

 

“I _cannot_ believe you got us kicked out of an interview!”

Trisha shouts, her voice filled with laughter as the five of us sit in the back of the limo. I squeeze Sarah’s hand, who’s a bit upset with me.

“I hope the tape leaks.”

 

Back at the hotel, Elliot walks into mine and Sarah's hotel room later while I'm alone on my phone. He smiles and sits next to me on the couch.

"Wanna go out?"

"Not feeling it."

"Are you sick? You must be sick if you don't want to go out."

I'm not exactly having a problem, but I put down my phone and decide to be honest.

"It's Sarah."

"Oh no, don't tell you're still confused about being gay?! Olivia, let me tell you once and for all, YOU ARE GAY!"

Elliot exclaims in my face and I shove him back on the couch.

"No, it's  _not_ that. It-It's a good thing, I think."

"Good, spill."

"Well, it's just... I'm really happy with her, like  _too_ happy. Whenever I'm with her it's like my heart is just going to burst, I don't know..."

Elliot looks at me as if I'm stupid.

"Yeah... You're in love..."

I hunker over and pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Elliot, you don't get it. She  _messes_ me up emotionally, but, you know, in a good way."

I peek up at him and he's just smiling at me, smug. I straighten my shoulders.

"What?"

"I already knew, Olivia. You two aren't exactly subtle."

"So what should I do?"

"You two have been dating for what, four years? Maybe it's time for the next step?"

I imagine my jaw probably hit the floor as I gape at Elliot.

"Are you _crazy?!"_

He laughs and stands up from the couch, walking to the door and opening it.

"Maybe you're more ready than you think."

Then he's gone and I'm left gaping on the couch. Yes, he's definitely crazy.

 

 

What Elliot said continues to ring through my head until one day after a concert, I find myself hurriedly yanking on my coat and barging straight into Charlie's room while Sarah is out with Trisha and Elliot. Charlie looks away from his book when I intrude in on his free time without knocking.

"I'm going to do it, Charlie. I'm going to propose to Sarah."

I refuse to give myself time to see his reaction as I spin away from him and leave the room with a shout.

"You tell her, you're dead!"

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

It's been on my mind for months. Olivia and I have been so open, happy and in love, and I think we're ready. I think she's ready. I  _know_ I'm ready. I also know I need more than one opinion.

That's how Trisha, Elliot and I have ended up in a ring shop on the other side of town. We have it narrowed down to three rings we think Olivia will like and I'm nervous about making the wrong choice.

"That one's a bit thick if I'm honest, Sarah. When it comes to jewelry, Olivia usually likes it thin and delicate."

Trisha says, pointing to one. That opinion eliminates one of the three rings and I pick up one of the two remaining rings. It's small, smooth, thin and gray. In the center is a shiny, square diamond. I can see her wearing this.

"I think I'm going with this one."

 

When I get back to the hotel, I peek my head in Charlie's room first.

"Is Olivia here?"

"Uhh, um, no. She left, I don't know where."

I go the rest of the way into his hotel room and shut the door. He shuts his book and sits up on his bed as I pull the box out of my coat. His eyes pop and he flattens his hand against his chest.

"A-A ring, y-you bought a ring?!"

"Yeah, do you think she'll like it?"

He sputters for a moment.

"I-I-I think she'll... d-definitely not expect it."

"You don't think she'll like it?"

I face the ring box towards myself and inspect it again. Charlie leans forward and squeezes my wrist.

"She will, she will. Trust me."

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

I walk into the hotel feeling like I'm walking on air. I have my future in my pocket and I have a literal skip in my step. I enter the main room and see Trisha and Elliot lounging around.

"Sarah here?"

"In Charlie's room."

They become unsettled when they see me walking towards Charlie's room and Elliot nearly stands from the couch.

"U-Um, knock first."

I cast an unimpressed look their way and raise my fist to knock.

"She's not cheating on me, is she?"

"Gay, remember?"

Elliot says, laying back down, relaxed. Trisha smirks from behind her phone and raises a finger in the air.

"Yeah, if she were to cheat on you, it'd be with me."

I ignore the both of them as I knock. Charlie calls me in after a second and I walk in to see Sarah taking her hand out of her pocket. She immediately smiles and encloses me into a bear hug.

"Hey, I missed you, dove."

She kisses my cheek, then my lips and I know something's up. Sarah's an _awful_ actor. All this affection is to distract me from something, but I have no idea what. What could Sarah, of all people, be hiding. She doesn't  _have_ secrets, at least, that  _I_ know about.

She can have her secrets, I'm not worried about it. I trust her more than anyone else. I kiss her back and smile to her.

"I missed you too, I love you."

"Love you too."

"I'll be out in a minute, I just need to talk to Charlie, okay?"

"Sure, I'll be out there."

She leaves the room, closing the door behind her and I raise an eyebrow at Charlie.

"You gonna tell me what that was about?"

"Sorry, I can't."

"Oh, hmm..."

I slowly mope around his bed, trailing my fingers across his dresser and he snaps.

"What, you're allowed to have secrets, but she's not?!"

"It's not the same..."

Charlie barks out a laugh, his head leaning back and I'm wondering what's so damn funny.

"Only if you knew, Olivia."

He continues to laugh as he picks up his book and I quickly sit next to him and pull the box out of my pocket.

"I got the ring!"

I open the black velvet box and show him the thick, gray band with sparkly silver twists and turns, like a vine, patterns on the top.

He meets my stare and shares my smile.

"She'll love it."

 

 

I wait till we're in Paris on our tour to move forward with my plans. Paris is perfect for too many reasons to list. After our concert, I take Sarah out to enjoy the city. We go wherever she wants and once the sun starts to go down, I suggest we walk along the Pont Alexandre III bridge. Once we're in the middle, looking out across the water as the lamp lights glow across it and we're holding hands, I sneak my empty hand into my pocket and grip the ring box.

I slip my other hand out of hers and lower onto one knee. I smile and Sarah seems to have frozen from shock.

"What are you doing?"

There's no need to answer as I pull out the black velvet box and open it to her.

"Sarah, will you marry me?"

She's frozen again for a moment, then sticks her hand into her own coat pocket and smiles down at me.

"You tell me first."

"What?"

Sarah removes her hand, only now it's holding something. A small gray box and I laugh and lower my outstretched hand.

"You must be kidding!"

Sarah kneels before me and opens her own box to me.

"Will you marry me, Olivia?"

I take her empty hand and press it to my lips.

"You  _know_ I will."

She holds my hand and slips the small, thin ring onto my finger. We're nearly in tears, but I raise my box again.

"Sarah, will you?"

"Maybe."

We're both tearful and smiling as I slip the thicker, vine-patterned ring onto her finger. That's all it takes for me to throw myself into Sarah's arms and she stands, lifting me off my feet and kissing me.

We're such a cliche, but I don't care- I'm in love!

When we get back to the hotel, we and Charlie, Trisha and Elliot celebrate. We all call each other's families and tell them the news. They, of course, congratulate us and plan a party for when we get back from tour.

 

 

After management is notified of our engagement, they permit Elliot and me to have a nice, public, drama free break up. Management also allows Sarah and me to interact a _little_ more in public. They said to consider it an engagement present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Fireproof by One Direction.


	16. Wait A Lifetime

Sarah and I decide that in public, I'll wear my ring on a chain under my shirt and she'll continue wearing hers on her finger, her married finger next to our birthstones ring.

 

On January 24th, 2013, a few days after Charlie's twenty-sixth birthday, Heath and Julia Rutherford have a newborn son. They name him Charles Garrett Heath Rutherford and he has wavy brown hair and dark blue eyes. Charlie, Trisha, Elliot and Sarah and I couldn't make it there because we're still on tour, but we congratulate Heath and Julia.

 

During more than just a couple interviews, Sarah and I accidentally get distracted by one another and interact more than we're allowed to. Management never says much, our contract is nearly over. Just a few more months... As our contract proceeds to get closer to being over, Sarah and I can't control our smiles to each other, our laughs and fondness during interviews, our love and sometimes touches. The Detective Fans eat it up.

 

Before leaving San Francisco after our last concert, I take Sarah out late one night for what I called 'something special'. Something special turns out to be me taking her out for a late dinner in the back corner of the restaurant with our hoods up and sunglasses on. She doesn't seem to mind and after dinner, she climbs in next to me on the passenger side of our rented car.

“Well, I guess it’s back to the hotel, then New York.”

“Hey, not so fast. I’m not finished yet.”

“Where else are we going?”

I bring my attention back to the road and shrug and a small smirk.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Sarah laughs and my smirk widens into a smile. It's nearing midnight and I drive her to the Golden Gate bridge. We walk along, holding hands and we stop and stare out over the ocean with our arms around each other. After a minute, I catch Sarah staring at me, but she doesn't look away. She continues staring at me and grins.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

Olivia blushes and ducks her head, she looks at me again, then looks away. I can hardly see her face in the dark, but when she turned her head, the bright lights from the lamps shined on her glistening tears. I take her left hand in mine.

“What’s wrong?”

She takes a moment to collect herself, then looks at me and smiles, tears still prominent in her eyes.

“I just really, really love you, a _lot._ ”

My worry disappears and I grin, squeezing her hand. Our engagement rings shine together under the lamp lights and she kisses my lips, I mumble against them.

“I love you too.”

Our lips meet again in the dark and I wish we could stay here forever, but we have to get on a plane in the morning. At least we'll be home, whatever that means. I feel home  _here_. Wherever Olivia is, is my home.

On our way back to the car, Olivia buys me a bouquet of flowers. We're still a few feet away from the car when we start to see white, bright flashes. Multiple people with large cameras are snapping pictures of us and we immediately let go of each other's hands, though we know it's hopeless. I'm carrying a large bouquet of daisies and she has one tucked behind her ear, put there by me. Our engagement rings are shining brightly on our fingers for the cameras, and there's no way we can deny being us because neither of us is wearing our hoods or sunglasses.

My sunglasses are clipped to my shirt and hers are on top of her head. Despite knowing the paps already got great, expensive pictures of us, we still try to hide our faces as we duck into the car and drive away.

We know we can't just brush this one under the rug, the pictures are undeniable. It's best to contact management and tell them before they see tomorrow morning's headline. We call them when we get back to the hotel, but surprisingly, they don't seem to mind. They tell us to ignore the headlines because our contract will be over in a few weeks. We let out a free breath after we hang up the phone.

Olivia smiles at me and grips my hand.

"We're almost there."

 

The next morning's headlines read; _‘The Arrows stars; Sarah and Olivia out on a romantic date?!’_

“They’re surprisingly accurate this time.”

Olivia remarks, peeking at me from over the magazine with a cocked eyebrow. I nod in agreement and chuckle in wonder.

“I’m surprised they didn’t mention our engagement rings.”

 

Our tour ends and the five of us head back to New York. All of our families throw Olivia and me an engagement party.

After a few days, Olivia and I are sitting together on our couch looking through a New York magazine. I point to one of the pictures that I've been studying.

"What about that one? Basement, two bedrooms-"

"We need a three bedroom."

"Why?"

She looks at me from over her reading glasses with a smile.

"Because, when we have kids, we’re going to need a boy’s room and a girl’s room.”

Olivia has her chin resting on her folded hand with an easy, relaxed smile and my heart swells. I give her a smile back.

“I didn’t think of that.”

 

Olivia and I buy and move into a three bedroom house in New York. Charlie and Trisha move into an apartment together, and Elliot moves into his own, bigger apartment, still not ready to live with Marco.

 

I turn twenty-four and Olivia turns twenty. Days after Olivia's birthday, our contract finally comes to an end. Olivia and I wear our engagements and show our tattoos. It feels so strange not to hide them anymore, this will take some getting used to. We throw another party and we, Charlie, Trisha, and Elliot talk about letting the band go on break for a while.

We all agree that the band will reunite in about three years. We tell the fans and their reactions are pretty much how we expected.

 

Olivia and I talk about coming out to the public about our relationship, but I see something in her eyes when she looks at me.

"Sarah, can't we wait a few days, settle first?"

I don't understand her hesitation, but I rub my hand down her thigh.

"As long as you need, dove."

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

I've been walking around these last few days with a loaded gun. I thought I was over feeling ashamed, I thought I knew what I wanted. I never thought this day would really come. Now I'm face to face with my own fears, fears I thought I conquered a long time ago, but now they're back. Right back, just like lightning.

The minute the contract ended, fear and shame shoot back into me like lightning and I don't know how to tell Sarah. Suddenly, I will have to come out to the world and have a lot of people hate me for something I don't fully understand or completely sure I am. Surely Sarah will understand that. This will crush her anyway. She's ready, but I don't know if I'll ever be.

I'm not as brave as her.

 

After the party, Sarah goes out with hers and my family, Trisha, Elliot, and theirs and Charlie's families. I ask Charlie to stay and talk with me over coffee. We sit at the dining table, letting our coffees go cold while I spill my guts.

"It's not like I don't love Sarah, I do. I just don't think I can handle the whole world hating me for it!"

"The  _whole_ world?"

"A lot of people, Charlie, a lot of people."

Charlie looks down at his coffee and I continue talking.

"I'm a coward, I admit. I'm too afraid."

"Sarah loves you with all her heart, she doesn't deserve to live her life hiding that. You both deserve to be free, Liv."

That hits a nerve and I cover my face to hide the tears coming. Charlie reaches across the table and squeezes my shoulder. That only makes it worse and the tears spill over.

“Why do I feel so restricted in a relationship that doesn’t restrict me at all?”

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

I come home to find Charlie gone and the house quiet. I slip off my shoes and out of my jacket, hanging it up before walking over to the stairs.

"Liv, you upstairs?!"

I receive no answer and I walk upstairs, down the hall and I hear shuffling from our bedroom. I push the door open to see Olivia hurriedly shoving some of her clothes into a suitcase, fast tears rolling down her cheeks. I'm frozen and I don't think she sees me.

"Olivia, what are you doing? What's wrong?"

She looks up at me and wipes her cheeks with the heels of her hands.

"Sarah, I can't do this. You need to be free, I'm holding you back-"

"What are you talking about?"

I walk into the room and around the bed, but she turns away and grabs another suitcase. I try to take it from her, but she snatches it away.

"Sarah, don't."

 _"Talk_ to me."

Olivia lays the suitcase on the bed and sits down next to it. I sit on her other side and take her hand tightly in mine. I need to touch her, I'm afraid of losing her.

"I'm so sorry for this, Sarah. I never meant to hurt you, but I just can't be brave like you. I can't have the public know."

"Olivia, it takes time. We can wait-"

"But you're ready now! I don't think I'll ever be ready, I'm so confused and ashamed- not of you! You're the only thing I'm not confused about, but you deserve better."

Her tears fall faster and she covers her face with her free hand.

"Deserve better?"

"You deserve someone who's proud, who won't hold you back. I'm so sorry."

"Olivia, you deserve to be proud too-"

Sobs start to rack Olivia's body and I don't know what I've said.

"Dove, leaving isn't the answer. We can work through it together."

"There's nothing to work out, this is just the way is it. I'm in no way ashamed of you, Sarah, but I'm just so unsure. It's probably because you're my first."

She pauses for a second and looks up at me, her eyes red and tears still falling.

"Do you understand that? You were my first girlfriend, before you all I had was Gordon. I still look at guys, but you're the only girl I'm attracted to. I-I just feel that I’m _forcing_ this-”

“Trust me, this is the most natural thing in the world-”

“No, you don’t know that, because you’re not me. I’m ashamed and you don’t deserve someone who is ashamed of your relationship. You deserve someone who knows what they want.”

“I don’t want anyone else. It’s _you_ , Olivia. Just you.”

She takes her hand out of mine and lets her face fall in her both her hands.

“I-I… I just need time.”

I know I've lost and my insides feel cold and empty as I rub her back.

“Okay… I’ll wait for you.”

Olivia cries harder, her shoulders shaking and I listen to her painful gasps for air for a moment before she collects herself and pulls away from my comforting touch. She stands, not looking at me as she wipes the tears from her face onto her sleeve. Still avoiding my desperate gaze, she zips up her suitcase, lugs it off the bed with both hands and leaves the room without a word or even a glance to me. I stay alone on our bed as she leaves the house.

 

I would wait years for Olivia, I  _have_ waited years. In order to finally have my girl, I would wait a lifetime, though it already felt like one.

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

I arrive at my new apartment on the other side of New York from Sarah, but it still doesn’t feel far enough. I still feel her.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

I don't call her. I know the whole point of this break is for Olivia to figure out what she wants, and she can't do that if I keep calling her. With my thoughts the way they are, I may have to hide the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls.


	17. My Blue Eyed Angel

Charlie and I start working on our solo careers, doing interviews, collabing with other artists and just getting our solo names out there. I haven't heard from or seen Olivia in person for about two months now. Though, I and the rest of the world have seen many pictures of her that have been spread around the media and the internet. It seems like every week there's a new picture of Olivia dancing or drinking at some club, sometimes getting very close to someone, usually a man. Lately, I've been seeing pictures of her with women, _so_ many women.

I thought I was jealous when I saw the men touching or kissing her, but now I'm _fuming!_ We're supposed to be having this break so she can figure herself out, so now that she's decided that she likes women, shouldn't she come back to me? What am I waiting for?

 

Charlie and I are asked a lot about Olivia and her 'bad' behavior, but we choose not to elaborate on it. This week a new photo of Olivia is floating around, but I can't stand to look at it. She's drunk at another club, a gay club I think, and she's getting too close to another woman. My fists clench at the thought. I just want her home.

During an interview, the interviewer starts talking about Olivia and before I know it, the monitor flashes behind me. I turn to see the blurry picture of Olivia and the other woman brightened and stretched over the large monitor. They appear to be dancing in a club of some sort with the woman's hands under Olivia's shirt, gripping her waist and kissing her neck. You can't brush  _that_ off as a friendship. I’m hurt when I see that Olivia had taken her engagement ring off, but I try to mask my emotions and my voice.

“I’d rather not talk about it, honestly.”

“But-”

 _“Please._ ”

The interviewer nods and Olivia’s picture disappears from the monitors, but the weight on my shoulders remains.

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

I feel lost. It's been months since I've seen Sarah, but I see her in my mind every day, my dreams every night. I can't stop. No matter what men, guys, women or girls wake up in my bed or us in their bed. No matter how much alcohol I consume, how many hits I take. She won't leave my mind, she's driving me crazy.

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

As if the media attention Olivia's been getting wasn't bad enough, it only gets worse. There are videos taken by paps and even some fans of Olivia being drunk in public, once even fighting with a pap and breaking his camera. I couldn't care less about the pap, I'm concerned about Olivia's mental health. The Olivia I know would never do something like this. She cares too much about the fans to behave this way in public.

I think it's time I check on her. I've been patient for months, fighting my jealousy and letting her experiment, but lately, it's like her mental health has been deteriorating. Experimenting with your sexuality is one thing, but getting drunk in public and getting into fights is different. I need to see if she's alright, though I know she's not.

 

After about a week more of interviews, I'm able to slip away back to New York for a few days. I don't know why I expected her to be there, but the house felt cold while I unpacked. I need to see her. Olivia's now 'experimenting' with women,  _apparently._ How much more time can she possibly need?

 

Finding Olivia was easy, always has been, she doesn't go many places. She wasn't at her apartment, so the next place I check is her favorite bakery; 'Red Twilight'. I stop in the doorway when I see someone who  _looks_ like Olivia. She's leaning against the counter holding a coffee in her hands, most of her brown hair tucked into a toboggan, the rest hanging over her face. Her fingers tap against the styrofoam cup repetitively and her clothes hang over her loosely as she raises herself onto her toes, then back down and back up again while she speaks quickly to the cashier.

She looks so small, thinner, sick,  _frail._ Her smirk twitches as she talks to the cashier and I step forward, allowing the bell to chime and I walk down the steps in front of the counter.

"Olivia?"

Her bloodshot blue eyes meet mine and I hardly recognize her. She has dark purple bags under her eyes and her cheeks are sunken, no blush or life in her face, just pale and dead. Olivia looks like she hasn't eaten or slept since our break started. The girl can't take care of herself while she's in pain, never could. I spot a bracelet on her fragile looking wrist, it's made of rubber bands with a tag that has the initials 'G.C' written on it.

I brush it off, I don't have the right to pry anymore. I'll try to keep the conversation and my voice light,  _try_ not to scare her away. She's like a timid deer, I need to appreciate her while she's here.

"So how've you been doing?"

"Good, good..."

Her voice is shaky and she nods a lot and turns back to the counter, fiddling with her coffee. Olivia leans against the counter again and gives me a tight smile, shaking like she's cold, but she tries to keep still. She's overcompensating for truly not being okay, but only resulting in blatantly obvious insincerity. I take a half step forward and lean against the counter as well. I know if I get too close, she'll get frightened and run from me.

Olivia's still jittery against the counter, raising onto her toes, then back down, running her shaking hands up and down her arms. I hope to God not drugs. Not Olivia...

"I'm worried about you, Olivia."

"I'm fine."

She doesn't look at me, she's distracted, scratching her arm. I continue to watch her and lean closer.

"I miss you, too."

"I just need time to figure this out..."

"Do you have a girl?"

"No."

"Are you trying to get one?"

"I don't know, Sarah! I'm still just-"

"Trying to figure this out?"

Olivia glares at me, but she can't stop shaking. Her whole body shivers and I come forward and grip her elbow.

"Are you okay?!"

She struggles to pull her frail arm out of my loose grip and I release her.

"I-I  s-s-said I'm fine!"

She seethes at me and grabs her coffee off the counter and walks past me quickly to the door.

"Olivia?"

She ignores me and the bell chimes as the door closes behind her and she leaves my view. What a note to leave on...

I need to see her again, get her help if she'll let me, but I can't find her. I search New York for my blue-eyed angel for the next two days, but never catch a glimpse. She won't answer her phone, not that I expected her to.

I had to bring my worries back with me to L.A.

 

 

Two months later, my phone starts ringing around ten pm, after I've gone to bed. I answer it almost still in my sleep.

"Hello?'

"I'm fine now."

I open my eyes at the voice and sit up, switching on my lamp.

"Olivia?"

"I'm off drugs, Sarah. I know you knew."

Anger and relief mix inside me and I'm not sure which one I want to express. I choose anger.

"Why were you on them in the first place?!"

"I... I don't know... I just did it."

"What drug?"

"I... I don't know the name. I only did it twice and got addicted. I haven't done it since. I was going through withdrawal when you saw me."

"You did a drug  _twice_ and didn't even know the name of it?! I thought you were smarter than that, Olivia."

"I-I didn't think to ask..."

"You must have  _really_  trusted the person."

I don't mean to sound so jealous and suspicious, but I can't help it. Olivia hesitates, struggling for the right answer.

"...No..."

Wrong answer.

"So you're telling me that you allowed someone you  _don't_ trust to inject a drug into your body  _twice_ and don't even ask what it is?!"

I can hear her sniffling over the phone, but I don't regret my actions. She needs to hear this.

"...Sarah... I-I'm getting better... I'm getting better for you."

"No, don't say that to me. Get better for you."

 

I get no sleep after the phone call, though I do try to convince myself it's good news. She's getting clean. I just want her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Safe Inside by James Arthur.


	18. Coming To Terms

I try to be patient. I know she needs time, that's all she ever tells me, but I just can't stop thinking about her. I'm home now, all alone in this large, cold, empty house. A lot of her things are still lying around the house; a sweater or two, most of the pictures, a notebook she forgot to take... I read her notebook over and over and think about her.

Pray she's okay. Pray she comes back to me.

I love Olivia, and God knows I always will, but I don’t like being put on the shelf. She calls it a break, but you can’t put a meaningful relationship on a break, and certainly not love. What am I supposed to do, sit and wait for her to be ready, and just welcome her back with open arms just like nothing happened?!

She’s off going to clubs, getting drunk, having sex and who knows what else. But I don’t believe a word the media says, of course. They’ve torn apart our reputations many times before. I remember crying into her chest over their cruel rumors and choice of words more than one time in the past.

 

Olivia’s worth waiting for, I just have to remember that.

 

 

January 25th, 2014 Charlie and I find ourselves signing to the same new management. Neither of us has put out any music yet, but we're going to start now. I try to write for weeks, but all that ever spills onto the page is Olivia. I need to put my mind at rest, something's gotta give. It's been months since our break started, I can't take this anymore.

I pick up my phone and tap Olivia's name. As I hear the dial tone, I take it as a chance to breathe and figure out what I'm going to say.

"Hello?"

"Olivia, I know we're on break and you don't want to see me, but I need to speak to you."

"What is it?"

"I need to tell you this in person, I need you here."

"Sarah, I don't thin-"

"Olivia, please, it's important."

She doesn't speak for a second and I hear shuffling on her end.

"Okay, I'm coming."

 

When she arrives, I open the door for her and am relieved with what I see. Olivia's looking much healthier, her cheeks are fuller and pinked and she looks well rested. I let her in and we sit on the couch. I'm nervous, though I don't know why. This is Olivia, we love each other. Don't we?

"So how have you been, really this time?"

"I've been doing better, really."

She's sitting stiffly with her hands on her lap and I'm on the other side of the couch, sitting on the arm. We don't speak and the silence is so loud. It's telling me things I don't want to hear. What happened between us? Why doesn't she want to be here? Why won't she look or talk to me?

“Are we even still together?”

“I-I said I needed time.”

I chuckle humorlessly and raise my eyebrows.

“Yeah, and in that time, you’ve done all of New York!”

“I still need time, Sarah.”

There's an uncomfortable silence making its way over us again and I break it.

“No, it’s either us _now_ or us never again. I’ve loved since we were kids. I’ve waited _years_ for you and I’m _still_ waiting. I’m done waiting for you, Olivia. You don’t _get_ any more time. I was always yours, but you were never truly mine. Well, I’m not yours anymore. I won’t be put on the shelf anymore, Olivia.”

Pain etched onto her face, but there's already some on mine. Am I being unfair?

“I’m sorry, Olivia. I just can’t-I can’t-”

I break off and muffle a sob in my fist. Olivia stares at me, unmoving, eyes wide. I collect myself, remove my hand and meet her eyes.

“Come back Olivia, that’s all I want. I want to be with you.”

“I can’t, I’m not ready.”

"Liv, please-"

"I think we need to move on."

I freeze, staring at her staring right back. I jump off the arm of the couch and sit close next to her, breaking the barrier and touching her.

"How can you say that?!"

“I will never ever be enough. You’re the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me, Sarah! We’ve been through so much, have you ever thought maybe we’re not supposed to be together?!”

_“No.”_

“Well, I have. Maybe we’re _pushing_ this… I’m so ashamed… You deserve better, you shouldn’t be ashamed like me. I’m not good enough.”

“You’re all I want, _that’s_ enough.”

I brush my fingers along her cheek, but she leans away from me.

“You don’t understand, Sarah-”

“No, it’s you that doesn't understand! I love you, you’re more than good enough! I need you, Olivia, don’t leave.”

“Sarah, I took your innocence when you were nineteen and I’ve dragged you through hell. How can you still love me?”

“You were my Heaven through all that hell. The promise of having you is what kept me going.”

Our voices are soft and Olivia shakes her head.

“Someday you’ll realise how messed up I am and you’ll find someone better, someone proud. There’s nothing left for us, Sarah. Can you imagine coming out to the public about being with me? They would tear us part.”

“They haven’t yet.”

“Yet. I’m doing you a favor.”

“You’re killing me.”

“I’m saving you.”

Olivia stands from the couch and I grab her hand, looking up at her.

“Don’t go.”

“Sarah, you’ll be okay in time-”

“Do you still love me?”

Olivia hesitates and I stand, not letting go of her hand and coming close to her.

“Just tell me if you do.”

She takes her hand back and moves her gaze to the floor.

“Sarah, it doesn’t matter, because I can’t be with you. You deserve someone who knows what they want, I can’t give you that.”

“You give me _everything._ ”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you anymore, it’s not worth it.”

“Our love isn’t worth it?”

Olivia meets my stare, her jaw clenched as she glares up at me, her head tilted slightly.

“I can’t keep you safe and happy, Sarah. It’s going to be hell if we come out and I don’t want you cryin’ because of me.”

“It won’t be because of you. If you leave, I’ll be crying alone.”

“You’re still coming out?”

“Not without you, you’re my reason. I’ll wait for you.”

“Don’t.”

She slides past me, there not being much room between the coffee table and I. I cling to her arm before she can get to the door.

“I’ll never give up on us, Olivia. We’ve been fighting too long to give up now.”

Olivia reluctantly turns back around, pain and tears clouding her eyes as she looks up at me.

“I just want the pain to stop. I can’t take people hating me for loving someone, and that’s exactly what’s going to happen if we come out. You don’t deserve to be hated and you don’t deserve to be hidden.”

“And you do?”

“I’m sorry I broke my promise, Sarah.”

With that, Olivia takes her arm out of my hands, but instead of walking out the door, she starts climbing the stairs. When I realise this, I'm right behind her. She walks into our bedroom, shutting the door on me and ignoring me as I call out to her and begin knocking. I try to open it, but she must've locked it.

"Olivia, please don't do this!"

I feel like I've been leaning against the door crying, calling out to her and knocking for ten minutes before she finally opens it. I straighten myself up and don't bother wiping my tears. Olivia stares at me with a soft expression, her eyes still cloudy and wet.

"I love you."

I allow myself to breathe for what feels like the first time in months and it sounds more like a gasp as I smile.

"I love you too."

I reach out to touch her, but she nods slightly with her gaze to the floor and steps back, closing the door on me again. I'm standing there confused when she opens the door again, this time carrying three bags.

"Olivia-"

"I'm sorry."

I couldn't move from that spot as she shuffled past me, almost touching me and leaving the house. When I hear her car leave the drive, I collapse onto my knees and cry right there on the hallway floor.

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

I fail to stop thinking of Sarah, but I know there's no more I can do. I tell the fans on social media that I won't be joining The Arrows in their reunion in 2016. I leave New York and go back to mine and Sarah's families in North Carolina. My parents take me in and I try to forget.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

I have been Olivia’s since I was nineteen. She used to be so sweet, childish and thoughtful, now she's discarded me like I'm nothing. She doesn't even care… It started off as a _‘break’._ She was off having sex and flings while I waited patiently.

Wonder how long she would’ve let me wait before breaking things off? I was her fool. Now I’m sitting here in the house we bought together, getting drunk for the third time this week. Is she thinking about me? Does she even _care_ anymore?!

More time, more time, that’s all she wanted. More time for _what?!_ Experimenting, deciding if there's something out there better than me… Olivia used to be all mine, she never used to worry about anyone else. Now I don’t suffice.

She wants better. She’s not the same Olivia I fell in love with. She’s so cold-hearted, selfish, she ruined me. I trusted her. Olivia doesn’t want me anymore, I need to come to terms with that.

I still love her, but that doesn't matter to her. I take another long drink from the bottle and feel my insides begin to numb and my mind buzz. I need to come to terms with this…

I've stopped being aware of the tears rolling down my cheeks and soaking my collar. The only thing I'm aware of is the knots in my stomach and the pain in my chest. With tears still rolling down my face, I look up at the ceiling, then through it.

“Why? _Why_ does this have to be so  _hard?!"_

But why should God hear me? Olivia probably thought we were bad,  _sinning._  Now I'm beginning to think the same thing. Maybe God isn't listening to me… No. I know better.

Olivia is wrong. God loves all his children. All is _all_ , and love is love. I just wish Olivia knew that.

 

I don’t know how it happened. One moment I’m getting drunk in my chair, the next moment I’m in my bathroom holding scissors with my dark curls lying in the sink. Olivia loved my curls, that’s the only justification I can think of for my actions. I stare at myself in the mirror in my drunken stupor. My hair isn't too bad off, sure it's a little uneven in a messy boy style, but I'll fix that when I’m sober.

 _I_ _f_   I'm sober.

I can't bring myself to take off my engagement ring or my birthstone ring, so I leave them on. I can't stand to look at my tattoos, I can't even stand to look in the mirror. I haven't left the house or showered in days. I've just been sitting in this chair drinking.

 

A week after Olivia leaves, I find myself leaning on the coffee table writing in her notebook. The song, if you would call it a song, is called 'Angel.' I plan on putting on my album, despite the fans  _and_ the media knowing Angel is Olivia's middle name.

 

I'm sleeping on the couch at three in the afternoon when my mother calls me. Apparently, Olivia is in North Carolina living with her parents and she told them we broke up. My mother is worried and wants to know if I'm okay. She starts calling a few times a day. She never could say anything that helped, just stating facts.

I never have anything to say.

 

My mother eventually stops calling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> War Is Love by Bobby Andonov or/& Meet Me In The Hallway by Harry Styles.


	19. Flowers and Peppermint Coffee

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

It's been over a month since I've seen Sarah or even left the house. My parents don't seem to know what to do about me, and Sarah's family has been over a few times to visit, but they never mention Sarah.

I'm going out today, I decided. I'll take my parents and Sarah's family out to dinner. It'll be nice to get some fresh air, stop punishing myself and start living again. My parents are surprised by my sudden change in attitude.

We're sitting around a table beachside under the warm sun with a slight breeze, eating and chatting some, when I say I want to take a stroll along the beach. They say they'll catch up with me and I lay my shoes under the table and walk down the beach. The cool water splashes over my feet and legs and I pull my sweater sleeves over my hands. A quick breeze blows my brown hair over my face and I don't move to tug it back behind my ear. This is the first time I've been able to breathe since I left Sarah.

I feel almost at peace.

I wasn't able to hear his footfalls on the moist sand, but right beside me now walks a boy. I look up at his messy brown hair being tousled by the wind and his intelligent, dark blue eyes shimmer down at me. He stretches out his hand with a soft, kind smile.

"Hi, I'm Johnathan."

 

I see Johnathan around a lot and the more I see him, the more my parents talk wonders about him. He's always soft-spoken, a bit shy, really sweet and respectful. I think I like him. Yesterday, I was in a coffee shop and I spot him sitting at one of the back tables. He pays for my coffee and I sit with him, we talk for hours and he walks me home.

He says he's a writer, an amateur writer at nineteen years old. For once in my life, I think I like someone and it doesn't feel wrong. I think I'll give him a chance. He could be good for me.

 

Johnathan Kline and I have been dating for about a month now and I think things are going well. At least I hope. I slept at his place last night.

I wake up drowning in sweat and in Johnathan's thick gray sweater. I don't really remember last night, not that I want to. The alarm reads ten am and I notice the bed is empty. Johnathan's an early riser. I'm used to being woken up, I hate that he leaves me in the bed.

I wipe my warm forehead on the sleeve and stifle a yawn. Before I even have time to come out of my grogginess, Johnathan walks through the door with cheerful greetings and a carton holding two styrofoam cups.

"You're finally up, blue eyes."

He smiles at me and hands the carton to me, then holds up a finger.

“One second.”

He disappears back into the hall and I taste my coffee. _Peppermint._ Sweetness and warmth fill my insides as Johnathan comes back into the room with a bouquet of flowers. They're bright blue Morning Glories wrapped in purple paper and a blue ribbon. I'm surprised and put off by the fact they’re Morning Glories, but I force a smile and awkwardly take them with one hand. Johnathan is oblivious as he takes his coffee, sitting next to me and sipping it.

“Do you like them?”

“They're beautiful, it's just… W-Why did you get Morning Glories?”

“C-Cause they’re blue, I-I thought you liked blue.”

“I do, it’s just Morning Glories mean restricted love, not being able to have the one you love. They have a few meanings, but most aren’t _happy.”_

Johnathan runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

“I didn’t realise flowers had meanings.”

“Then you have so much to learn.”

I smile and tug him closer. And that’s how Johnathan and I spend our morning, talking about the meanings of flowers. I don't know why I care so damn much.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

After about two months of sleeping all day and binge drinking, I find it's time to pull myself together. Olivia's not coming back, I need to move on.

I shower, fix my now short curls, clean up little, throw Olivia's things into a closet and call Charlie. I tell him I'm going to start writing for my album and he says he's already started writing his. He's calling his album 'Here and Now', and I half-heartedly tell him I approve of the name. It feels strange to talk to someone, I haven't done it in so long. I'm slowly relearning how to function like a normal human.

 

After writing for a couple weeks, I decide to name my album 'Genuine'. I hate it, but most of the songs so far are about Olivia. Maybe after this album, I can forget her.

 

I turn twenty-five in June. The band, their families and my family come over and we celebrate my birthday. Olivia and her parents don't show up, my family doesn't even mention her.

Olivia ceases to exist in my life.

 

I start releasing promos for my album on July 7th. I really don't know why I chose that date. I just thought it should be special, I guess. Olivia's twenty-first birthday should be special.

I wish I was there...

Soon after me, Charlie begins releasing his own promos. It seems he'll always be one step behind me.

 

Charlie and I both release our albums in August. We travel around separately doing performances and interviews. I'm asked in several interviews about the fact that my songs have quite a few 'shes' instead of 'hes'. I brush off the questions. I don't think I'd talk about it even if I was able to.

 

When September comes by, Charlie and I start working on and releasing a few music videos.

Living without her is getting easier, but she's always there in the back of my mind, in my dreams. I always dream of my blue-eyed angel, my dove...

 

During November, a few days before my tour, Charlie, Trisha and Elliot come by my apartment. Olivia's absence is loud, quietening all of us. We drift into the kitchen hoping coffee will distract us. Trisha sits on the counter, Charlie leans against it and Elliot finds a chair. I stand silently with my warm mug in my hands as they speak.

"If the fans think they're missing us together now, just wait till 2016."

Charlie teases and Trisha tsks.

"We're going to lose so many fans."

"Yeah, I don't think it's really hit them yet that Olivia's not coming back."

Elliot says from the chair with his eyes downcast. Trisha hasn't drunk from her cup for a while and she shrugs with one shoulder.

"Should we even do it then, get back together?"

"Yes, absolutely. Just because Olivia doesn't want to be in the band anymore, doesn't mean we should just end it."

Elliot speaks with urgency and passion and Charlie uses his mug to gesture to him.

"He's right. We're still The Arrows, I'm sure we'll still have fans."

"Well, _I'm_ in then."

They all look to me, needing my opinion too. I sip my coffee to clear my throat.

"Of course, I'm still committed to this band."

 

A few days later, I leave for tour. A week later, Charlie does the same.

 

 

While in France...

I've been doing so good for so long, this was just a mistake. I just acted out in desperation. I just needed someone. Someone like Olivia.

I woke up in my hotel room one morning, the pain in my chest was too severe. I had dreamt of her. I had three choices that I considered; calling her, writing another song to deal with the pain, or getting drunk to forget it. I know I didn't choose the best option, that's how I ended up here.

I went to a club, ended up getting drunk and meeting someone. In my drunken state, I thought she was Olivia. Now I realise different.

My eyes drift open and adjust to see the December snow falling outside my hotel window. Hair brushes against my chin and I lower my gaze to the brunette who has her head lying on my shoulder.

"Olivia?"

"Hmmm?"

The sleepy brunette raises her face, slowly opening her eyes with a small smile. She's not Olivia.  _Bella, that's_ her name. I rub over my face with my hand, becoming more aware and I smile down at the girl.

Her hair is darker, darker and wavier, not like Olivia's. Her eyes are more of a pale powder blue. They don't sparkle, they don't enamor me. No, she's not Olivia, not even close. Bella smiles up at me, proving a dimple on one of her cheeks.

“Tu me le rappelles.”  ** _You remind me._**

I whisper to her, her smile only grows.

“Je connais.”  ** _I know._**

“Vous n'avez pas sa yeux, pas tout à fait, mais proche. Tes yeux sont pâles, bleu poudre, comme la lune. Sa yeux brillent comme le ciel du matin -”  _ **You don't have her eyes, not quite, but close. Your eyes are pale, powder blue, like the moon. Her eyes shine like the morning sky-**_

“Ne pas parler. Ne pense pas à elle. Est-ce qu'elle pense à toi?”  _ **Don't speak. Don't think of her. Does she think of you?**_

“J'espere.”  ** _I hope._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> From The Dining Table by Harry Styles.


	20. Give Up Everything For You

It's early January 2015, after a particularly emotional concert, when I get the news. I'm lying on my hotel bed when Charlie calls me. He tells me he proposed to Trisha during one of his live concerts, she said yes. I try to keep listening and sound happy for him, but my thoughts drift to a painful place.

That used to be us. We were so close...

With my mood now plummeted, I make up an excuse to Charlie, saying I need to get some sleep before my concert tomorrow. After I hang up, I lie back down on my bed.

I should've tried harder to make her stay. I shouldn't have ever let her go. What is life after Olivia? Not worth living.

I really screwed up, I see that now. The only issue we had was her fear of coming out to the public about her sexuality. Her coming out is her decision, and I should've given her a choice. She felt trapped with me, that's why she left. I was too selfish to respect her feelings.

Olivia has given me so much throughout the years. She even came out to her mother and got kicked out of her house to prove her loyalty to me. I never compromised a damn thing for her. Lying here on this hotel bed in Paris, France, I release this isn't all Olivia's fault. I can fix this.

I'm off the bed in a second, throwing my suitcase onto it and shoving my clothing and pairs of shoes into it. If I leave now, I should make it there by morning. I should've gone right after her, not wait almost a year!

I'm ready to give up everything for her; she's worth it. I love her. I'll buy her that riverside house in New Orleans and we'll live a quiet life without fame if that's what she needs. I have to give us another try, just one more shot and if she pushes me away again, then I'll leave her be. I'll move on. I just need one more chance.

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

In spite of having another great boyfriend, Sarah still consumes my thoughts. She's always on my mind, but I try not to let myself think of her. My heart aches when Johnathan kisses me, but I have to live for the future, not the past. Sarah is my past; I have to move on.

 

Johnathan and I got an apartment together in his home state; Pennsylvania. This is an improvement, the next step of moving on.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

I arrive in North Carolina early the next morning. The sun's barely out, and I lug my suitcases outside onto the sidewalk. I can see my breath as I climb into my taxi. Fatigue overwhelms me, but that doesn't matter to me. There's only one thing running through my mind.

_Olivia, Olivia, Olivia..._

My taxi drops me off in front of my family's house and my mother peeks out through one of the front windows. I hardly get out a smile before she disappears and the next thing I know, my mother, stepdad and brother are running out of the house to me. I'm smothered with hugs and my mother kissing my face.

"Pourquoi tu ne nous as pas dit que tu venais?!"  ** _Why didn't you tell us you were coming?!_**

I don't get to answer as I'm taken inside and my mother makes me something hot to drink. It's really been too long since I've been home, I can only imagine the hell I put them through. My brother rambles on about how life has been while I was gone and my stepdad Klaus asks me not to disappear again. My mother demands I never disappear again.

Once things settle down, my brother goes back to his house and my stepdad goes back to bed, I walk into the kitchen to help my mother. She's washing out the dirty mugs, and I dry them and put them away for her. When we're finished, I figure it's time to be honest, let her know the real reason for being back.

"Où est Olivia?"  ** _Where's Olivia?_**

"Olivia?"

My mother removes her gaze from mine, lowering it to the counter and readjusting a stack of dish towels.

"Je pensais que vous avez déménagé de son..."  ** _I thou_** ** _ght you moved on from her..._**

"J'ai jamais dit ça. Elle est en fait la raison pour laquelle je suisde retour. Tu vois, elle pense que pour être avec moi, elle doitsortir publiquement, mais ce n'est plus vrai. Je suis prêt à toutabandonner pour elle, maman. J'ai juste besoin d'Olivia."  ** _I never said that. She's actually the reason I'm back. See, she thinks that in order to be with me, she has to come out publicly, but that's not true anymore. I'm willing to give up everything for her,_ _maman_. I _just need Olivia._**

"C'est pour ça que tu es là?!"  _ **That's why you're here?!**_

My mother almost shouts, glaring at me for a moment, then her eyes change to wounded, disappointed. She turns gaze away from me again and I feel a pang of guilt, she thought I was back for a visit. I shift from foot to foot, trying to think of something to say to make this better, but nothing comes. After she collects herself, she brings her dark settled eyes to mine.

"Elle a déménagé, Sarah."  ** _She's moved on, Sarah._**

Her voice is a matter of fact, like that statement ends any point I could possibly make.

"Vous avez déménagé? Avec qui?"  ** _Moved on? With who?_**

She pauses for a moment, her confidence failing and her eyes turning to pleading.

"Un gentil garçon qui s'appelle Johnathan, ils vivent ensemble en Pennsylvanie. Ils sont heureux, Sarah."  ** _A nice boy named Johnathan, they're living together in Pennsylvania. They're happy, Sarah._**

"Un homme?!"  ** _A man?!_**

Somehow this makes it worse, Olivia's still denying her sexuality. She needs to know that she doesn't have to pretend to be something's she's not. We can be together, the world doesn't have to know.

I glance to my mother as I walk into the dining room, shrugging on my coat and grabbing my suitcases.

"Je dois la voir. Elle est où?"  ** _I have to see her. Where is she?_**

"Pourquoi tu ne peux pas la laisser partir, Sarah?!"  _ **Why can't you just let her move on, Sarah?!**_

My mother shouts at me, and I lay down my suitcases.

"Tu veux savoir comment je sais qu'elle m'aime encore, maman?"   _ **You want to know how I know she still loves me, mom?**_

 _"Comment?"_ ** _How?_ **

"Elle ne l'a pas emmené à la Nouvelle-Orléans."  ** _She didn't take him to New Orleans._**

 _"_ _Quel?"_ **_ What? _ **

"La Nouvelle-Orléans, maman. Olivia a toujours dit qu'elle voulait vivre avec moi un jour, alors pourquoi n'est-elle pas là?"  ** _New Orleans, mom. Olivia always said she wanted to live there with me someday, so why isn't she there?_**

My mother has no answer, so I give her mine.

"Parce qu'elle n'est pas réglée."  ** _Because she's not settled._**

 

My mother still refused to tell me where in Pennsylvania Olivia is living, so I called my brother.

 

I arrive in Sherfolk, Pennsylvania a few hours later. The sun hiding behind large white clouds and it's not any warmer. The first thing I do is book a hotel room and order breakfast. Afterward, I slip back into my coat and shoes and stroll through the town trying to find the address my brother gave me.

After a few hours of wandering around in the cold wind, occasionally snowfall, I'm walking past a restaurant when a pair of large blue eyes catch my attention. I spot her through a window of a restaurant. She's sitting in the front of a restaurant beside a young looking brown haired man. She's squeezing his hand and laughing, her eyes closing and her shoulders shaking. They look happy.

Olivia's a wonderful actor.

I reluctantly pull my gaze away and push open the door to the restaurant. I quickly take a seat at a table in front and diagonal from the couple, not wanting them to see me. I pick up my menu and peek over my shoulder, through my growing curls. Olivia and the man, who I can only assume is Johnathan, are still holding hands and laughing. He places his hand on the back of her head and kisses her lips, and she brushes her fingers across his cheek, _right there in public._

 _Damn,_ I felt that like a knife in my heart. My eyes water as I continue to watch them. She kisses him once more before whispering something to him.

Why can't Olivia feel so free with me? Maybe Olivia never truly loved me...

I jerk my attention back to the front when a waiter comes to my table. I try to blink away the oncoming tears and just order a coffee.

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

Something catches my eye, and I turn my head away from Johnathan mid-conversation. I immediately spot the source of my distraction; the dark orange light from a lamp shimmering on someone's black curls. I can't look away as many 'what ifs' spill into my mind. Could that be Sarah? She's wearing the same black leather jacket, and those are definitely her curls, though they are really short.

Yes, that's her. There's no way I could misplace her.

But what's she doing here? Could her tour have brought her here? I doubt it. What are the chances we end up in the same country, same state, same town and same restaurant by accident? She hasn't moved on, well that makes two of us. Now Sarah has seen Johnathan and me together for the first time.

What a way to find out! She's obviously in pain.

I hadn't realised how close I am to tears until Johnathan places a tender touch on my arm.

"Are you okay?"

I don't answer, I just lower my eyes and wipe away the tears before they spill. He glances over to where I was staring and when he spots her, he puts two and two together and takes his hand off my arm. I had told him about Sarah, but I never thought this would happen. I look up at him and he, with realisation dawned on his features, shrugs at me.

"I don't know what to tell you."

"What would you tell me if she was a man?"

Johnathan hesitates for a moment, looking from me to Sarah, then back to me with his lip between his teeth.

"He loves you like I do."

I stare at him in awe. He loves me? I don't know if I can take any more guilt. He's just another heart for me to break...

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

I peer over my shoulder again only to witness Olivia searching Johnathan's eyes, with own her eyes glimmering with tears. That enamored, completely _gone_ look of hers takes me back to the time we shared in San Francisco on the bridge. How can she love him? How can she move on while I'm stuck? I huff and maneuver myself out of my seat and leave straight out the door without giving Olivia another glance.

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

I watch Sarah storm out of the restaurant and Johnathan comforts me as I let go of the tears I've been holding in. Sarah hates me now. I hate myself. Johnathan rubs my back and chuckles.

"I'm sorry, I guess that's not what you need to hear right now."

He's oblivious as to why I'm crying, but that's okay.

I've made a mess of things, for _all_ of us.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

I spend the next few days in my hotel room thinking over what I saw at the restaurant. All I keep thinking about is how Olivia also had a boyfriend when I met her. I can't help but think he's temporary, not a problem. I also remember my mother's advice then, 'Give her a chance, Sarah'. I should give her a chance; she hasn't even seen me yet.

Olivia probably thinks I've moved on, forgotten about her. Not a chance.

I slide into my suit jacket and fix my bow tie before leaving the hotel and waving down a taxi. I give the taxi driver Olivia's address that JJ gave to me and he drops me off in front of an apartment building.

I'm standing on their doormat in a suit that matches her eyes when Olivia answers my knock by opening the door. I don't try to keep my expression guarded when I see Olivia standing there sweetly in front of me. I gape at the beautiful girl, who's afraid to be mine. Her jaw slacks when she sees me and she quickly looks back into the apartment, then back to me.

"Sarah, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you."

Olivia ignores my response and takes in my appearance. Her lips fix themselves into a straight line as she contemplates my hair, that's nearing my shoulders now. I can tell she's upset, but she's hiding it, feigning coldness and apathy.

"You cut your hair?"

"Almost a year ago."

An excruciatingly heavy silence takes over, and Olivia shifts her eyes to the floor, and after a moment, up to me again.

"Sarah-"

"I'll give up everything for you. Fame, the fans, music, _everything._ None of it means anything without you."

"Sarah, _what-"_

"I'm yours. I've loved you since we were just kids, nineteen, fifteen years old. You're going to have to figure out what you're going to do with me, because I'm yours completely. Always have been."

Olivia's blue dream eyes settle into a glare.

"You're making this difficult."

"I don't plan on making this easy, darling."

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

My eyes find her hands near her suit pockets, her thumbs inside, but the rest of her fingers visible. Sarah's still wearing her engagement ring and our birthstones ring. Seeing this almost kills me. Why can't we just forget each other?! Just as I'm getting emotional, Johnathan walks up next to me and puts an arm around my waist. He's about to kiss me when he sees Sarah at the door and he pulls away.

"Do you two need to talk privately?"

"I think so."

He settles for kissing me on the forehead and grabs his coat off the hook.

"Call me if you need anything."

Johnathan walks out the door, past Sarah, and I move aside.

"Come in."

Sarah walks in with a smirk like she won something, and she raises a brow at me.

"He kissed your forehead."

"Only because you're here."

"He knows about us?"

"Yeah, I told him we used to date."

Sarah's cockiness fades and she's suddenly sincere.

"It was more than that and you know it, Olivia. I love you."

"Sarah, I'm not the same person you fell in love with. I'm scared and ashamed. I'm _weak."_

"Then let me help you!"

Sarah comes forward, but I move from her reach.

"No, you deserve better. I'm happy with Johnathan."

"No, you're not. You're going through the motions, but you don't love him. He doesn't make you happy."

"Yes, he _does."_

I lie. Sarah shakes her head. It's like she always knows everything I'm thinking. How does she know?

"You're going to break his heart like you did mine."

My eyes narrow in on her, and I come forward, gripping her arm and pulling her towards the door.

"Goodbye, Sarah."

"Just admit it."

"Snowflake, I've been breaking hearts since I was fifteen, so maybe I'll just get used to it."

Helped by my push, she tumbles out onto the doormat and turns back to me. Sarah opens her mouth to speak, but I rush to cut her off.

"I don't love you anymore, Sarah. You're trying to make me feel something that died a long time ago. I care about you. I want you to get better, _move on_. Goodbye, Sarah."

I shut and lock my apartment door and watch Sarah through the peephole as she knocks.

"Olivia?"

I ignore her and she eventually slowly mopes down the hall and out the main doors.

Little does Sarah truly know, I still want her, but can't let myself have her. It isn't fair to her. _Nothing_ is fair.

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

I go back to my hotel room, cry and try to figure out what my place is. I'm smart enough to know that what I'm hearing isn't what I'm seeing. The pain in her eyes contradicts her talk of moving on. She's just as stuck as I am, but she's just so damn stubborn. Why can't she see it my way, that there's nothing to be afraid of?

I'll protect her with my life. I'll give up fame if that's what it takes to have her. What's holding her back? Am I missing something? I can't keep harassing her; I have to accept her answer.

But what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> If I Could Fly by One Direction or/& Burn by Ray LaMontagne or/& All These Years by Camila Cabello.


	21. Maybes and Morning Glories

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

From the moment I shut my apartment door on Sarah days ago, I've had an unrelenting, uncontrollable pain in my heart. It's been there all along and I can't repress it anymore. I have to end things with Johnathan. It's not fair to him for me to be with him and have feelings for Sarah. It's not fair to any of us.

I approach our apartment door, but instead of entering, I knock and adjust the bouquet of flowers in front of my chest. Johnathan opens the door quickly. When he sees it's me, he smiles and chuckles, slightly confused.

“Why’d you knock?”

His bright smile doesn't last very long though, once his eyes slide down to my choice my flowers and he understands my reasoning. The bouquet is made up of eight flowers, two of each kind. Two Striped Carnations, two purple Hydrangeas, two pink Sweet Peas and, of course, two blue Morning Glories. His brows knit together, his blue eyes darken and he moves aside to let me in.

 

"Johnathan, I will always love you- I  _want_  to be  _in_  love with you, but-"

I have to cut myself off because I know if I don't, I will end up breaking off into a sob. I pin my lower lip between my teeth to keep my emotions under control, and Johnathan nestles closer to me on the couch and rests his head on my shoulder.

"I understand."

My tears overwhelm me now and nearly spill over. None of this is fair to Johnathan.  _He_ shouldn't be comforting  _me._ He has such a kind, gentle, understanding heart. Johnathan deserves love.  _Why can't I love him?!_

"This isn't  _fair._  I'm breaking your heart to chase after someone whose heart I broke. Why can't I stop hurting people?!"

The building wetness in my eyes scatters down my cheeks and I allow them to slip under my collar. My stiff shoulders loosen when Johnathan adjusts himself closer and curls an arm around me and buries his face into my neck. Somehow this comforts him. I like having his arms around me, and he likes breathing me in. We stay in this position for an immeasurable amount of time.

I just sit there stiff and awake, containing no will to move.  How did I end up in this position; breaking the heart of someone I tried to force myself to love? I had a future with Gordon. I gave him my heart, soul, my future, my whole being; he held them completely. And then Sarah came along and I gave her all of myself as well.

Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I just need to belong to myself for a while. Maybe Sarah and I weren't meant to last. We became who we are now by loving each other, how could we grow so far apart? We were only kids when we fell in love, maybe we _did_ change and grow apart.

Well, we're definitely not the same people we were when we met. I'm not a timid, shy little girl anymore, and Sarah's... well,  _eccentric._  She's found herself, she's a new person. Maybe she's not the same Sarah I fell in love with.

Maybe I’m in love with the  _idea_ of Sarah.

Maybe I shouldn’t have given Johnathan those Morning Glories...

 

 

**Sarah's POV**

 

 

There's no more I can do in Pennsylvania. Olivia knows I love her, whatever happens next is up to her. I'm dragging my suitcases out of the elevator and into the lobby of the hotel, and I catch sight of Johnathan walking through the main doors and brushing snow off the shoulders of his coat. His face is set with determination and a bit of anger when he scans the room and spots me. He marches over to me, but stops just a couple feet away.

"You've done it! You've managed to screw everything up!"

"Johnathan, I'm sorry for whatever trouble I might of cau-"

"She broke up with me!"

He seethes at me, his face red, but his eyes dark with pain. My brain stops working, nearly failing to comprehend what this means for me. Johnathan continues to glare at me as he takes a step away.

"Guess you finally got your girl back."

With that, he walks back out of the hotel, and I wait a second for him to get into a taxi before rushing out the doors myself. Tugging my suitcases behind me and into the back of a taxi and heading to Olivia's apartment. I'm in ecstasy the whole ride there, and when I arrive, I set my luggage down on the snow-covered sidewalk. Olivia is in front of the apartment building, stacking boxes and suitcases into the back of a taxi. I abandon mine and walk quickly to her as she's mid-shoving in a box.

Olivia pulls out of the taxi, but doesn't seem very shocked to see me standing there. She must've seen me come out of my taxi. Olivia's brown hair is blown across her pinkened face by the wind, and she sighs as her beautiful blue eyes look anywhere but at me.

"Look, Sarah, nothing has changed. Things didn't work out with Johnathan and me, but things are still over between you and I. I meant what I said,  _move on."_

She turns away to pick up her last box and I wait for her to turn back to me. She avoids my eye as she shoves the last box in and slips in next to it.

"Olivia-"

"Goodbye, Sarah."

Olivia shuts the door to her taxi and it drives away, leaving me behind in the cold. I'm cold inside, but not because of the weather, as I climb into my own taxi. I call Charlie and tell him what happened with childlike tears running down my face.

"She's not with Johnathan anymore, so why doesn't she want to be with me. How did her love just  _disappear,_  Charlie?"

"My tour's ending in like two weeks, I'll stop by and talk with her. Is she still in Pennsylvania?"

"No, I think she went back to North Carolina to her parents and my family."

"I'll talk to her then, okay? Sarah, don't cry, I'm sure it's hell on both ends."

 

I take a private plane back to New York and I spend the next couple days pouring out my alcohol. No matter the pain, I need to treat myself better.

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

I'm living back at my parents' house with something new in my heart. I'm no longer denying to myself that I'm in love with Sarah. I  _know_  I am, I'm acknowledging it, but that doesn't make it  _right._ I've given up on moving on, I'll just spend my life loving her and longing for her. What a way to live, maybe I deserve it...

My parents and Sarah's family are back to tiptoeing around the subject of Sarah, not wanting to push me in any way. They try to show their support for my decision, but I see the truth in Roselet's large wounded eyes. I hate myself for hurting her daughter, believe it or not, I love her too.

 

I've been back home for about two weeks when Charlie shows up at my front door. His dark ginger hair is an absolute mess along with his clothes, and he looks exhausted from his flight. I let him in and he immediately goes to the fireplace to warm up.

"Dude, you should've called in advance, my parents are out on a date right now."

"That's okay, I kinda just wanna talk to you."

"You and Trisha having troubles already?"

He laughs, but it's not the same laugh I used to adore, it's more high-pitched and nervous.

"Not about me, hon."

I groan, Sarah must've called him.

"So you're here to try to convince me to get back together with Sarah?"

"Not exactly."

He moves away from the fireplace and sits on the arm of the couch, right next to me.

"Remember that conversation we had at One Shot? You were scared about being gay, you said you had no idea what you were doing. Do you remember my advice?"

I scoff, trying my hardest to make this a joke.

"You said ' _just talk to her'_. Some  _advice_ , Charlie."

"Well, did you talk to her?"

I tuck my fists between my knees and shift my eyes away.

_"Eventually..."_

"See, it was good advice,  _still_  is, you just didn't take it. I wish you would just talk to her."

"I have!"

"I don't mean feeding her bullshit, I mean being honest."

The silence and Charlie's tender stare picks at my nerves as I avoid his eyes. He shifts on the arm of the couch and touches my arm. I meet his gentle light brown eyes and he squeezes my arm.

“You know, you’re  _killing_ the fans. They love you, Olivia. They’ll love you no matter what.”

I lazily roll my eyes at him, understanding his  _subtle_  hint.

“Most of them already know you’re gay anyway.”

“I’m not gay, Charlie.”

 _“B ullshit_. Don’t play that game with me, Olivia. The fans, me, your parents, Sarah’s family and, obviously,  _Sarah_ supports you. Aren’t the ones who support you more important than the ones who don’t? What are you so afraid of?”

I turn my eyes away and shake my head.

“You going to think my reason’s ridiculous.”

“Tell me.”

My hands are still positioned awkwardly between my knees and I rub them together as I force out my confession.

“It-It’s always been about… about God. I don’t want to do wrong by Him, I-I don’t want H-Him to hate me…”

I'm blinking away tears as my voice cracks, and Charlie scoots off the arm and sits next to me, putting an arm around me.

“Whatever happened to God loves all His children?”

“Do you believe that?”

“With all my heart I do. People have been manipulating the Bible to spread hate for  _years._  You've been lied to, tricked to feel ashamed.”

I look up at him to make sure he's being sincere and I'm not let down.

"Even if you're wrong, is living the rest of my life feeling like hell worth going to Heaven? I think I'd rather have Heaven on earth with Sarah."

His eyes sparkle as he smiles at me.

”I’ve put her through a lot, haven’t I?”

“You had to figure yourself out first.”

Charlie's sweet light brown eyes stare down at me and I kiss his cheek and hug him closer. He pats my shoulder with a smile.

“You’re back on track, kid.”

 

 

 **Sarah's** **POV**

 

 

I'm sitting on my couch with my fist pressed to my lips as I try to fight my tears away while also battling the pain in my chest. It's been days since Charlie's tour ended and he hasn't called to tell me how things went with Olivia. I was considering going out, but any thoughts of leaving are quickly erased from my mind when there is a brief knock placed on my front door.

_Olivia. Olivia._

Her name is all that's racing through my mind as I speed to the door and pull it open. No soft blue eyes meet mine, just light browns. Charlie's standing in a hurry on my porch, shielding himself from the cold and breathing heavily.

“I talked with Olivia.”

He says it as if it's a key to me letting him in and he brushes shoulders with me as he walks in. In a daze from hearing Olivia’s name at loud for the first time in a long time, I slowly push the door shut and follow Charlie into the living room. He's on the couch by the fireplace and as soon as I sit next to him, he's speaking to me.

“Olivia’s still so new to this, you’re the only thing consistent in her life. She  _knows_ she loves you, but she’s going to need a lot of support when it comes to coming out and the hate. Olivia might not be ready to come out soon.”

“Olivia knows I would spend my life waiting on her if she needs me to.”

“All you can do now is wait.”

 

 

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

I spend the next couple days packing again and telling our families goodbye. I tell them Sarah and I getting back together isn't definite, but I'm going to try to deserve her, try to make up for the mess I've made of us. I'm at the airport getting ready to take a private plane to New York, and for the first time in a long time, I welcome Sarah to fill my mind.

 _Sarah._  Sarah is who I am, I wasn’t me before her. All this hiding, being ashamed, it  _has_ to end! I love Sarah Winter! How could I have wasted all this time not being with the person I love?!

 _Forget_  her gender! I’m not in love with her gender, I’m in love with _Sarah_. Sarah is my sexuality for all I care. She's the only one I'll ever want.

I’m on autopilot as I tug my phone out of my pocket and search for her name. I hear myself croak out her name with fear and hope in my voice. All I hear next is her breath intake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Heaven by Troye Sivan and Betty Who.
> 
> Just listened to Heaven by Troye Sivan and Betty Who on repeat and cried while trying to write this chapter.


	22. Ready To Run

**Sarah's POV**

 

"Sarah?"

Her voice is soft and strained while it cracks as it says my name. I gasp when I recognize Olivia's voice. Charlie left my house days ago to visit his family in New Orleans with Trisha. I've just been anticipating hearing from Olivia for the last couple days.

"Olivia?"

"Sarah, I love you, I'm so sorry for hurting you. I should never have left, I really messed up, I know. I don't expect you to forgive me-"

Her voice is desperate, becoming more constrained and wet. I can feel her tears coming. When I try to reassure her, my voice amazes me by being considerably steady.

"Olivia, I love you too. I just want you home."

"Will we ever be the same?"

"My love for you hasn't changed. It never will, dove."

"Sarah, I'm ready to tell the public whenever you are. I'm sick of hiding, being ashamed. I want to be proud of us."

A broad grin overtakes me and my heart races in my chest.

"Let's just get you home first, Liv. Where are you?"

"I'm at the airport about ready to take a plane to New York."

"I'll be there when you land."

 

Following the phone call, I take Olivia's things out of the closet and heap them onto the couch. My mind is buzzing, but my heart doesn't know what to believe. I have an uneasy feeling in my gut, like I shouldn't fall too quickly. She's left me before, she could get scared again. Olivia says she knows she never should've left.

I can't let myself believe that until I see it in her eyes.

 

I've been waiting at the airport for ten minutes when the plane finally lands, and I comb the large, moving crowd for Olivia. I spot her walking towards me wearing a gray toboggan over her ears and her hand stretched out to me with a beaming smile. Light shines from the airport lights onto a ring on Olivia's hand, and my breathing halts for a moment. Her engagement ring is shining from her left hand, and just by this simple detail, I know Olivia is ready to be mine. I sprint over to her and take her into my arms, lifting her and kissing her.

Olivia's fingers bury themselves into my curls as she kisses me back, our lips eager and filled with warmth and tenderness. She presses her soft, pink lips to mine once more before she pulls away just far enough to look into my eyes, our breaths still intertwining.

"I love you, snowflake."

I hardly hear her over our hearts beating together as one. My angel found her way back to me, and I'll do anything to keep her next to me.

"I love you too, dove."

My dove's warm lips caress mine again and I pull her closer against me, disregarding that we're in public, and tilting my head and kissing her deeper, her hands tugging my curls. My arms are snug around her, her feet still off the ground and her body against mine when she murmurs against my lips.

"I missed you every day. Life was hell without you, Sarah."

"It was hell on both ends."

"I'm sorry."

I brush my lips across hers and press a warm, soothing kiss to her cheek.

"I forgive you, dove. If you ever find yourself having second thoughts about coming out, just tell me. We have other options."

I know that this time if Olivia ever gets frightened again, I'll be ready to leave with her. I've lived without Olivia before and I don't intend on losing her again. I'm ready to give up everything for her, if that's what it takes to keep her by my side. If she ever finds the hate to be too much, I'll buy us that riverside house in New Orleans and we'll live out the rest of our quiet lives there happy, together and in love.

Olivia shakes her head as her hands glide from my hair and clutch my shoulders.

"No, I'm ready now. I want to be brave for you."

"A lot of people are going to say cruel things, not just about you, but about me too."

"If you can handle it, I can too. Sarah, I'm _done_ hiding."

Olivia uses my shoulders as support to attach her lips to mine again, and I slowly set her down, leaning down with her and not breaking the kiss until her feet are fully on the ground.

"Let's get your bags."

 

Throughout the car ride home, Olivia sits with her nearly numb, blood-colored hands in front of the heater, and I find it exceedingly difficult to keep my eyes on the road. Her engagement ring sparkles from her finger and I can't stop admiring how _right_ it looks there. Her cheeks are still pink from the cold and her hair is a mess, sticking every which way from under her toboggan and over her shoulders. Her lips are a bit red as well, but I don't know if that's from the cold or me. I smirk and bring my well-needed attention back to the road.

Olivia's 'L.O.V.E' tattoo across her left knuckles makes her engagement look that much more powerful, it proves the hell we've been through to stay together. Her 'Je t'aime,' tattoo on her right wrist is just barely revealed as she stretches to warm her hands. All of my tattoos are covered unintentionally, it's winter and each of my tattoos are either on my arms, thigh or chest. I clear my throat in my fist and return it to the wheel.

"So, The Arrows are getting back together and signing to a new management early next year. Are you coming back?"

"How can I not? This band is the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Olivia has a special glint in her eyes when she looks at me, and I share her secret smile.

 

When we get home, I scarcely have time to take my jacket off before Olivia has me pinned against the wall in a kiss. I let my jacket drop to the floor, and I stroke her cheek with the back of my hand as her fingers curl in my hair. She pushes closer, her body now firmly against mine and she takes my lip between her teeth and nips playfully. I chuckle and pull my lip away as I grin.

"I see how you want to do this..."

Olivia's eyes sparkle mischievously up at me, and I grip her waist and back her up until I'm stumbling over her on the couch. She claims my lip again, nibbling as I pull her jacket off. We toss it to the floor along with her shirt, and I kiss down her neck and chest. I leave wet, sloppy kisses over the tattoo of my name on her chest, the small white snowflake above her elbow, her 'Je t'aime,' tattoo on her wrist,  her 'L.O.V.E' tattoo along her knuckles, then I trail down to the thorny red rose on her waist. Olivia cups my cheek and guides me to look up at her. Our dark, cloudy dilated eyes meet.

_"Bed."_

I barely remember carrying her upstairs and lying her down on the bed I haven't slept in since she left, because the next thing I remember is her pushing me down and climbing over me. Olivia's always been quick, I like to take things slow, but within seconds after Olivia began, our clothing is lying on the floor and she's engaged in doing the same thing I did to her. Soft, warm open mouth kisses are pressed over my bare skin, my tattoos, she starts with my wrist. My 'Ma belle fille' tattoo, to the hourglass tatt on my forearm, the blue-eyed white dove on my collarbone receives two open mouth kisses, then her name on my chest, and lastly the gold star on my thigh. Olivia's kisses start lingering upwards again and I grip the pillows as she finds the next place she wants to give attention.

 

Afterward, Olivia has her back pressed to my chest as I spoon her under the covers. Along with my arm, Olivia has one of her arms tucked under her head, and with her other hand she's clinging to mine over her waist. I place a small kiss behind her ear and whisper against her hair.

“You have no idea how good it feels to hold you again.”

“I know, I feel it too.”

Olivia lets go of my hand to trace her fingers through my curls, turning towards me and kissing my lips, speaking against them with a smile.

“Merci pour l'attente.”  _ **Thanks for waiting.**_

I hold her closer with my arm around her waist, kissing her again.

“Tu valais l'attente.”  _ **You were worth the wait.  
**_

“Je t'aime, ma belle fille.”  ** _I love you, my beautiful girl.  
_**

“Je t'aime aussi... ma belle fille.”  ** _I love you too... my beautiful girl._**

 

June 2nd I turn twenty-six with Olivia, Charlie, Trisha and Elliot, and all our families finally together again to celebrate. Turns out that's not all we had to celebrate, because just twenty-four days later Gay Marriage becomes legal nationwide in the U.S. Later, on  July 7th, Olivia turns twenty-two. Looking back, I think we might've celebrated the whole two months.

 

In September, Charlie, Trisha, Elliot, and Olivia and I sign to a new management and announce to the public and our fans that we; all  _five_ of us will be getting back together as The Arrows in early 2016. We weren't surprised, though Olivia was when the fans gave her a large warm welcome. They've missed her.

In October, Olivia and I plan a set date with Management and Neville Chapman for us to come out publicly; January 1st, 2016. Afterward, Management begins releasing candid photos and video clips of Olivia and I kissing, holding hands or just being close. Management no longer has to hide them or pay people for their silences.

Charlie and Trisha buy a house together in New York in November.

Mid-December, Elliot, and Marco rent an apartment together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Ready To Run by One Direction or/& She Keeps Me Warm by Mary Lambert.
> 
> Listened to The Power Of Love by Dalton Harris and James Arthur on repeat while writing this chapter.


	23. Freedom and Epilogue

**Olivia's POV**

 

 

January 1st, 2016 comes around and instead of nerves, I have excited butterflies fleeting about in my stomach as I hold Sarah's hand. All of our families, Charlie, Trisha, Elliot, and Marco wish us luck before Sarah and I stroll outside to our highly public press conference. Our new management must've contacted pretty much  _every_ media reporter and pap, because when Sarah and I take our seats behind the table, over fifty people crowd the confined space in front of us, shouting questions and flashing cameras. We've been organizing this press conference for weeks now, and the fans and media have unquestionably speculated concerning the nature of it. Some have speculated that the band is breaking up, and some have been accurate; saying Sarah and I are coming out as a couple.

I think when the media reporters and paps saw only Sarah and I walk out together holding hands, they knew the true nature of this conference immediately. From behind the table, Sarah and I are having countless questions being shouted at us, and we wait for everyone to quiet down, our hands still together sitting on the table. I attempt to seek out the questions directed at me and I hear more than I expected.

"Are you and Sarah in a relationship?!"

"Have you and Sarah Winter been in a relationship since 2008?!"

"How would you describe your relationship with Sarah?!"

Sarah and I accept that the press isn't proceeding to quiet down and most likely won't be any time soon, and we share a smile. I adjust my microphone higher and it gives out a high pitched squeak that quietens the press, letting them know I'm about to speak. I search for one of the reporters that asked _me_ a question specifically, and I meet her eyes with a smirk behind my mic.

"She's my beautiful girl."

This humble, sweet, untelling comment did nothing to deter the following massive swarm of questions that came our way, if anything, it _provoked_ it. Sarah squeezes my hand, my engagement ring reflecting brightly on top of our hands from the camera lights, and her engagement ring doing the same on her left hand that's adjusting her mic. The short sleeves of her baggy red button up stop at her elbows, showing her hourglass tattoo and her 'Ma belle fille' tattoo for the first time. My shirt sleeves are rolled up past my elbows to show my snowflake tatt and my 'Je t'aime,' tattoo along with my 'L.O.V.E' tattoo. For the first time in public, Sarah and I don't wear rubber bands or bracelets to cover our 'Je t'aime, ma belle fille' tattoos.

There's a hint of a chill today, but the sun is out and warming our bare skin as Sarah prepares to speak.

"In the summer of 2008, I met Olivia at a singing competition called 'One Shot' in New Jersey. She was my first fan. I think it was after that picture I took with her when I knew she was important. I think it was then for her too..."

Sarah trails off and shifts her eyes from the now perfectly quiet press to my eyes. I shake my head and talk into my mic.

"No, not for me. It was when you held my hair back in the bathroom. I thought you were _strange_ , but I knew you were important."

Some reporters and paps laugh at my revelation, and Sarah's eyes sparkle as our eye contact lingers. I haven't the faintest idea how we're planning to complete this press conference without crying at least once. I rub my thumb over the back of her hand and decide to speak for her, she's already getting emotional.

"Out of fear of not being accepted by my mother or the public, I fought against the growing feelings I had and _still_ have for Sarah. That didn't last very long though, because you can't deny love. It's the most natural thing in the world, in _all_ forms. It took me some time, but I've finally learned that, and I'm  _proud._  Sarah and I are here today to be honest after all these years to our fans,  _everyone."_

I pause and glance to Sarah, who has tears in her eyes and a wobbly smile, and she squeezes my hand, encouraging me to proceed.

"I have loved Sarah since I was fifteen years old and I will continue to for the rest of my life. She's my snowflake, my beautiful girl, my finance, and most importantly; my soulmate."

 

 

The next morning, I'm sat at the dining table with my bare feet in the chair, still in my pajamas with messy, unwashed hair as I eat my breakfast. Sarah comes back in from outside and tosses a magazine next to my plate.

_'Sarah Roselet Winter, age twenty-six, and Olivia Angel Clarke, age twenty-two, come out to the world as gay and in love!'_

I snort and begrudgingly smile at the headline. I wish I could hate it, but I'm so proud. I'm  _happy_ they're writing about it. It's about time they write about the truth.

"What a headline..."

Sarah remarks as she sits in front of her breakfast plate, and I meet her eyes and grin.

"Couldn't've said it better myself."

 

Later that day, our families, friends, and their families come over to... well, I _suppose_ celebrate our new found freedom. Sarah embraces everyone as they walk through the door, and Charlie marches over to me and hugs me tightly, patting my shoulder and speaking in my ear.

"Congratulations, Liv. It's about time."

We share a smile and a laugh as he pulls away. The next hug I receive is from Roselet and she kisses my cheek.

"I'm so proud of you."

I smile and thank her, but deep down she's not the one I want to hear it from. My mother is standing awkwardly behind her awaiting her turn, and when it comes, she comes up to me with a guilty, pained, desperate look in her eyes. She tosses her hands about in a surrendering gesture.

"I'm so proud of you  _too."_

Tears form in my eyes- _scratch that-_   _both_ of our eyes and she pulls me to her, crushing me in an embrace.

"I love you, sweetheart, and I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel that I didn't. I'm so, so,  _so_ proud of you!"

I laugh into her shoulder and I see Sarah watching us from next to her stepdad, with a warm, knowing smile. Sarah knows how much this means to me. My tears make a mess of themselves as they scatter down my face and onto my mother's shoulder and hair.

 

The next hours of the celebration are spent with a lot less crying, and a lot more laughing and affection. After the sun goes down, we walk out into the backyard and watch all the leftover fireworks from New Years being set off into the sky. I feel Sarah's arms snake around my waist and her chin rest on my shoulder. I smile at her and wrap my arms back around her, hugging her as well. I watch the bright colors of the fireworks reflect off her cheek before leaning in and kissing her lips.

Afterward, she kisses my cheek, then nips at my ear as she whispers to me.

"I love you, dove."

"I love you, snowflake."

Sarah smirks and nips at my ear again.

"We made it, Olivia. This is our forever."

With another set of tears in my eyes, I turn in her arms, wrapping mine tightly around her waist. I stare up into her hazel eyes and all I see is love, sincerity, and commitment. With a smile, I pull her closer to me.

"We made it."

 

 

 

 

**\- Epilogue -**

 

Sarah and I break up two weeks later. Haha,  _just_ kidding!

 

Sarah and I exchange engagement rings for wedding rings two years later, and she never broke her promise to me. She did buy us that second house riverside in New Orleans, and three bedrooms ended up being just enough. We adopt twins; a boy and a girl; Tobin Klaus Jason Winter and Molly Roselet Kariah Winter.

 

Charlie and Trisha get married after us and have a daughter named 'Livvie' Olivia Sarah Rutherford.

 

Elliot finds out after a few years that he does not have a future with Marco Lancaster. Through the next couple years, JJ; Sarah's twin brother, and Elliot grow closer and closer. They end up getting married after Sarah and I adopt our twins.

 

 

**Sarah and Olivia's POV**

 

 

And that's our story. Although it was painful to relive certain parts of it, we hope you enjoyed it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever story, so I would love feedback.
> 
> Read All About It by Emeli Sande or/& Like I'm Gonna Lose You cover by Jasmine Thompson.
> 
> Because this last chapter is so short, I've combined it with the epilogue.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading, this story ends here.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [My Sunlight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19773403) by [sarahpotters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahpotters/pseuds/sarahpotters)




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